Merry Christmas

I am off down south for a few days with Chloe & Rory to spend Christmas with my family .

Hope you all have a great Christmas and a New Year that reveals your strengths for you to meet your goals and ambitions.

Merry Christmas

Finally Got Back Into A Shop

My daughter was at home last week, and we had planned to go shopping for christmas together. I couldn’t get into one shop and Chloe even had to do my food shopping for me, so we didnt get our christmas shopping done. Chloe did what she could and was very understanding about the whole thing.

But, I am happy to say that I made it into 3 shops on Friday that I could park right in front of, and today I made it into 2 more shops, one of them a toy wharehouse - as if getting into the shop wasn’t hard enough I had to put up with hundreds of parents with laden arms and their kids running amok. I started to panic when I was in line waiting to pay, but managed to breathe my way through it. The one thing I kept on thinking about was Marie coping to get straight back into a shop after a major panic attack. Thanks Marie, for your distant support

I can’t believe that it has taken 3 weeks for me to start getting back on track after the allergy attack. I have been reading a book “Who Turned Off My Brain?” written by psychologist, and she explains exactly what happens in our brain with negative (and positive) thoughts and how the Panic Attack starts off, and how all of this affects the rest of body, its a very intersting read. Anyway, she has a theory that allergies can start after long term stress, panic attacks etc and why the body and mind reacts to stimuli the way it does when its something you were not allergic to prior to the onset of mental health illness.

So here is hoping I can get the rest of the christmas presents I still need to buy

7 Weird and Random Facts About Me

I was asked this question by Coffecup “I’d like to nominate you to tell us all 7 ‘weird and random’ facts about yourself”…. hmmm I will give it a go.

1. I am a bit of a gypsy and have moved house more than 60 times.

2. I am an organisational nut, but am not very tidy

3. My favourite foods are Cheeses and Cold Meats

4. I enjoy decoupage

5. I have a warped sense of humour that some people just don’t get

6. I am the black sheep in my family, apparently I don’t “conform”……. to their ways of thinking

7. I am a reflexologist

Hope this qualifies

1. coffeecup on December 16th, 2007 10:44 am

   Ha ha wonderful Ruby. Thanks for revealling all. Wow! Didn’t know you did reflexology! Some super facts there, hope you enjoyed having to think of them?

2. Ruby on December 22nd, 2007 9:32 pm

   It was a difficult task, thought of lots of things, but did I really want to put them on my blog - that would be definately not
   It was fun though

   Ruby

3. Panic Guy on December 30th, 2007 3:16 am

   Hi Ruby! I’ve never commented before, but this post struck me a little. You have moved house more than 60 times??? That’s an awful lot of moving! How did you endure all that?

4. Ruby on January 6th, 2008 9:44 pm

   Hi Panic Guy
   Yes a bit of worry really A lot of those moves were going back to the parents house between moves, but its still moving really.
   In hindsight I think that it was my anxiety that caused all the moves, and each time I moved I felt great for a while when learning all about a new place, and I did love setting up a new house and getting to know the culture of the place.
   Since the kids came along I lasted 4 years in each place.
   I am glad to say that I have lived where I am for nearly 4 years and don’t have itchy feet yet, I think that is because as I get older I don’t enjoy the hassle of moving anymore.

Overcomer’s Package

I have a subscription to Overcome Panic which is written by a female Christian Minister in the US. (I am not a practicing Christian but I have long held beliefs. I just received an email saying that they are offering free postage for the rest of December for local and international orders, so I thought I would share in case any one is interested.

I have ordered Overcomer’s Package for myself as I found that the best value, but they have a variety of CD topics on overcoming anxiety and panic attacks. The Overcomers Package has a book, workbook and a set of CD’s, so I will let you know what I think when I receive it.

1. coffeecup on December 9th, 2007 4:49 am

   Dear Ruby, I hope that you don’t mind but I’d like to nominate you to tell us all 7 ‘weird and random’ facts about yourself. The only condition is that you must link back to me as sender, and choose and link ideally, to seven other people to give up a little frivolous bit of info about themselves. It’s just a bit of fun and a gentle way of networking. Best wishes, Steph

2. Max on December 28th, 2007 8:02 pm

   great stuff - cu

3. Ruby on January 6th, 2008 9:38 pm

   Thanks Max
   Hope to see you again soon

   Ruby

4. Max on March 12th, 2008 3:33 am

   omer’s Package : Life With Anxiety & Agoraphobia thanks for this post!

5. Max on May 22nd, 2008 2:26 am

   Thanks for this post!

Feeling a Bit More Positive

At the end of my last post I said I had to get to work, I couldn’t make it out of the house till 3 hours later I was in such a state, I was seriously wanting to quit work and lock myself away again, but I pushed through the few horrible hours. Once I got to work I was great, but the drive in was horrid.

But I am glad to say that I am feeling much better now, I kept slapping myself across the face (figuratively speaking - not that bad - yet) everytime I had a negative thought and made myself counteract it with a positive one. Now a week later it seems to have worked because I am not having as many negative self destructive thoughts. Work has even been enjoyable with no dramas driving in or home.

I haven’t had the chance to get to shops yet though as I had a busy weekend with friends from out of town staying Saturday night, and Sunday morning my gorgeous dog had four puppies, so all day Sunday I sat admiring them and their mum.

My daughter is home for a few days and hoping to get enough sleep in the morning to go shopping with her in the afternoon, I am really looking forward to spending some time with her as she arrived on Monday night and I had to head of to work so haven’t had much of chance to catch up.

I am at work, so I better get back to it.

Ruby

1. coffeecup on December 6th, 2007 9:03 am

   Gosh Ruby there’s so much going on there’s no time for you to feel anxious. Wonderful to hear that your getting through work so well and many congrats for the puppies! How you going to part with them? So cute when they’re little. Hope this positivity continues going on a roll and I’m very interested to hear about the benefits you get from the programme. Great to hear all this confidence!

Allergies Have Played Havoc This Week

Well I have been getting a little bit better this week in that I have been into the corner store to grab a couple of things by myself, and even went into the post office to pick up a parcel I was waiting for, though I waited in the car till I could see there was no line there.
But I have been feeling really depressed this week, and the only thing I can put it down to is that I have gone backwards and I feel like I don’t have the energy to fight again

Even though I work at night, on my own, some of the day staff eat spicy lunches with msg in them. I had to leave work early on Tuesday and Wednesday night due the smell still being in the building. My supervisor has sent around another email to everyone to ask them to please be aware and to throw any left overs and the containers in the outside bin, which I really appreciate the support, but it is hard for people to understand unusual allergies and realise the seriousness of them, so I will see how we go with that one, I hope I am not forced to leave another job.

I was just sitting preparing myself to head off to work, and was feeling pretty confident and anxiety free about the drive in to work, when my son came home with a friend that I don’t know really well, and now I am feeling really anxious just because they were here for all of 2 minutes on their way out, I hate the way it just grips us like that.

Well I’d better head of or I will be late in, here is hoping that the smell is gone out of the building, as my work is really building up with leaving early the last two nights.

Allergies & Panic Attacks

I mentioned in my last post that I have been having more panic attacks again. I have a theory, but who knows, everytime I think I know this illness something else comes along.

I have allergies to hot spices, msg and strong aromas, I have had this for about 10 years now. I don’t even have to eat these things, just smelling them sends me off. I have had to leave two jobs in the past where people ate spicy foods. The symptoms are that my mind goes totally blank and I gather any sort of thought, I get ‘prickly feeling’ skin from head to toe and in some cases I have to find a toilet immediately. The symptoms last for 4-8 hours depending on the severity, but find that it takes at least 24hrs to feel better.

But when I am having panic attacks as well, this allergy sets of a panic attack as some of the symptoms are very similar, and my nerves stay fragile for up to a week and make me more prone to panic attacks during this time.

I had been going really well for over a month and was really proud of myself for having moved forward so much, then two Saturdays ago a neighbour was smoking dope in his backyard, and I got an allergy attack, the worse one I have had in over 5 years, it go so bad that I ended up going to the hospital cause I thought my tounge was swelling up, and of course this sparked a severe panic attack as well so I was suffering a double whammy.

Once the hospital found out that I suffered with panic attacks, they didn’t take the allergy seriously. Which was no surprise to me, as I find hospitals never take mental health as a serious issue. Anyway they gave me something to subside the symptoms and sent me on my way.

I believe that because I had such a bad allergy attack my nerves are frazzled and I haven’t been able to go into a shop, post office etc since without having a major panic attack. I am fine at home and at work so that makes me think that the allergy caused it.

But regardless of where the panic attacks are coming from I can’t logically explain them away that way to myself, so I am trying to push myself a bit more each week to get back on top of things, but it is such a backward step after having started enjoying shopping after 18 months.
But many times I drive up to the shops and as I start getting out of the car I realise that I can’t go any further and go back home.

So thats where I am up to at the moment, I am trying to think positive, but its so hard at times.

Ruby

1. Coffeecup on November 22nd, 2007 5:18 am

   Ruby the things that you have achieved so far are phenominal. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having a little set back (me too!). It does seem as though with this alergy that your brain automatically goes into panic mode if the symptoms are similar. Tomorrow is another day as they say. I do know how it feels to go ‘backwards’ when you think you have conquered something, but please try and remember the bigger picture and the overall progress, and don’t be too upset if you’re just not feeling capable at present. I really think this journey to wellness is such a roller coaster ride, that there will be downs, as well as ups to get to the end of it. I just wanted to send my empathy really, you sound exactly as I feel too at the moment, trying hard but being disappointed. I do hope it passes soon X

2. Ruby on November 22nd, 2007 7:54 am

   Thanx for your nice supportive comments Coffeecup
   Yes I agree with you about the spices, that it triggers a panic attack because I am so used to any mental variations being a panic attack.
   Going backwards is never nice, I swap between being positive, seeing the bigger picture and wanting to crawl further into my self made cave. I am so glad that I enjoy my work or I would probably find a reason not go there either, even though I don’t work with people face to face (I couldn’t handle a busy office at the moment) I keep busy all night with their international customers via phone & email and I don’t have to get involved in the daytime office politics.

   As terrible as setbacks are, it does make us stronger to face the next pitfall. I think your setback when your partner left must’ve been hell, when trying to deal with all the daily events of panic attacks…. you are doing great!!!

   It certainly helps with all the support we get blogging and the chance to voice our emotions to people who understand, and want to listen.

   Ruby

3. Robert on November 22nd, 2007 8:08 pm

   I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’re just experiencing a temporary blip. The fact that you’re still working is very encouraging, so I’m hopeful that other things will fall into place in due course.

   Many agoraphobia sufferers have described how their capabilities fluctuate from day to day (Marie is no exception). No one seems to have an explanation.

   I have allergies too. I get hay fever symptoms from time to time. Because I’m not allergic all he time, I don’t take anti-histamine tablets regularly. Do anti-histamines help you? There’s no obvious connections between attacks - with one exception - I’m more prone to them when sleep-deprived. Does this have any effect on you?

   Apart from my ongoing experiences with Marie, one of my daughters (Jenna) was being treated for acute depression as well as panic/anxiety and all the problems associated with irritable bowel syndrome. Waiting for appointments in the British national health service is a constant problem, but this aside, both Jenna and Marie have always been treated very well by all health care professionals. (The one exceptions was an unwarranted outburst about Marie by a former family doctor.)

   Btw, Jenna’s problems have been almost completely eradicated - although I’m aware that they could return at any time.

   Best wishes

4. Ruby on November 24th, 2007 8:00 am

   Hi Robert
   Yes I hope its just temporaty as well, it really stings when you have a hard setback, but my poor son keeps coming with me to the shops, sometimes I have to leave and get him to go through the checkout, and other times I’m fine. I cope much better if I can park right outside the shop as opposed to going into a shopping centre, I hate shopping centres.
   But even aside from this setback my abilites change from day to day as well, it makes it very hard to plan things, just have to take each day as it comes.

   As for the allergies it doesn’t seem that other things affect them if there are strong spices around I get affected regardless of how I am feeling.

   I’m glad you have had positive visits with the medical professionals, I find GP’s are good but its hospitals that have the problem from my experience.

   I am so glad that Jenna is feeling better, thats great news.

   The national medical health system here is terrible too, I had to wait over 6 months to get in, which just shows how badly mental health issues is affecting the public, its such a shame.

   Ruby

5. Miss Vertigo on November 29th, 2007 5:38 pm

   Hi,

   New reader saying hello here, with PAs, anxiety, agora, and I just had to comment on this one.

   What is it about having a mental health issue on your records that deems you a timewaster in an A&E department? Don’t you just want to scream at them - “Not everything in my life is caused by my anxiety!!” ?

   This has happened to me on so many occasions it’s not even funny any more - the most notable being the double pneumonia that they dismissed as a panic attack because I made the stupid error of telling them I was having difficulty breathing. It took 41 degrees of mercury and some yakking up of blood for them to take me seriously… after which they hospitalised me for four days. That was a good one

   It’s a big problem for us - I wish I had the answer.

   Take care

   MV

6. Ruby on November 29th, 2007 8:57 pm

   Hi MV
   I am glad you popped in and left a comment.

   You poor thing, I know how you feel, it gets to the point that we have to hide our anxiety to even get taken seriously, I am glad to hear that they finally treated you for the right thing.

   Unfortunately I can’t see an answer either, they just wipe us off anxiety ridden hyprochondiacs.

   They took me seriously till they found out that I suffered panic attacks, the fact that I had suffered allergies for 8 years just didn’t matter any more, and they told me go as they needed the bed. Then they wrote a letter to my doctor saying the visit was just due to anxiety, which them made him doubt me, I am still not sure if he really believes me.

   You have a great blog I will be reading more of it.

   Ruby

7. coffeecup on December 4th, 2007 9:47 am

   I am so angered by the appalling treatment that I have read about here! When my panics first started I was taken to A&E by ambulance and left in my smart work suit on the floor of the waiting room with people stepping over me until a friend rescued me and grabbed a nurse. Everyone deserves fair and caring attention regardless of the reason for being there, and ‘just a panic’ as you well know, can be horrifically frightening. Ironically I used to be one of those people who dragged themselves into work with the flu, and when I know I’m really ill I’m tough. Symptoms of anxiety are a different league altogther, and I think they bring in an element of continual fatigue and depression that makes them harder to fight?

8. Ruby on December 5th, 2007 4:11 am

   I agree, its terrible treatment, and so much harder to take when you can’t think rationally or fight back.
   We had a incident here at a metropolitan hospital where a lady had a miscarriage in the hospital toilets cause no one would take her seriously and get a doctor to see her. Its right across the board unfortunately.

9. coffeecup on December 8th, 2007 1:12 am

   Oh my word!

Finally Got Back Here

Its been a busy month trying to get accustomed to working 5 nights a week. When I first started this job I was employed to do 3 night shift per week, the person I would be job sharing with was ill when I started so I offered to cover all 5 shifts till she returned. She has now decided not to return and I said I couldn’t keep doing all shifts, so I have cut it down to 4 shifts till they find another person to job share with.

This week is the first week that I have only done 4 shifts, and I am really glad that I made that decision as I was finding I was spending all weekend recovering and preparing for the next week and was not getting any time to myself.

I started having panic attacks again in the last couple of weeks, which is, I assume, because of working to many night shifts. I still don’t have a regular sleeping pattern but I am now getting enough sleep each day. I wasn’t using my coping skills at first but then started doing relaxation exercises before going to sleep to ensure a sound sleep.

I am still aware that working at nights on my own is not helping me getting back out into the community, so I need to look at doing something on my days off to get some interaction with people, besides my son and his friends.

I only get paid monthly which has been a bit of a culture shock, but it has been nice to get large amounts of money in my bank after being on government payments for over a year. I have repainted my feature walls and bought things that I have wanted for a while, like kitchenware and presents for family.

I will be back more regularly now that I have my work and sleeping pattern worked out.

Ruby

1. Robert on November 15th, 2007 9:10 am

   You have been in my thoughts in the past weeks, Ruby. Your news is a bit of a mixed bag - coping quite well with work, but having some panic attacks again…

   However, your post is quite upbeat, I’m pleased to see.

   Nice to see you post again!

2. Coffeecup on November 17th, 2007 11:20 pm

   Dear Ruby, I am so pleased that you left a comment on ‘My Wife Has Agoraphobia’ as it lead me to your page. How fantastic that you are out there in the work place! I empathise entirely with what you say about getting out into the community. I am really looking forward to reading all your posts and catching up on events.

   Wishing you well and happiness.

3. Ruby on November 21st, 2007 6:53 pm

   Thanks for your thoughts Robert, it so great to have people out there that are thinking of me even with me not having posted for a while. You and Marie are always in my thoughts, with how you are going, and moving forward.

   Nice to meet you Coffeecup :)I’m glad that you posted here, we all have to share together and support each others efforts in getting well. I too will be reading up on your journey. Yes the community!! such a scary move, but baby steps and positive thinking (on some days anyway :)).

   Ruby

4. Robert on November 21st, 2007 8:01 pm

   Yes, you’re always in my thoughts, too, Ruby. And I keep Marie updated on your progress. Somehow, I don’t quite understand it, we feel connected to you and your situation. Thanks for taking an interest in us!

   It’s REALLY important that people know that there IS hope when they feel that there is none, so your blog (and other similar ones) is, imho, very important.

Second Week of Work

My job is going great. I was a bit hard changing my sleeping patterns again after working a week of days and then starting nights straight away. I think I have a routine going now, I stay up till around 10-12am then sleep till around 6-8, so I get a chance to get to the shops, pay bills or make phone calls and get to spend some time with Rory before heading off to work at night.

Things are starting to fall into place with my role at work and I’m starting to feel more confident, which is a good thing as I will be working on my own from Monday. Its a bit scary to know that I wont have anyone to ask if something different comes up (which it will) but I will just have to email them and get the answer the following night.

I haven’t had any issues with agoraphobia or anxiety since I started, which of course I am really pleased with It is much better working nights where I don’t have to deal with people face to face, and I am looking forward to starting on my own. The other great things is that I don’t have to deal with peak hour traffic any more which is always a plus.

1. Robert on October 8th, 2007 7:32 pm

   Ruby, I’m really pleased that things seem to be going well for you.

Sickness Benefit

I got a call today from Centrelink to say that if I wanted to receive any further unemployment/sickness benefit I would have to do another mental health assessment with them.

I am so glad that I have this job now so I don’t have to worry about telling them all the ins and outs of my life any more, and report to them every couple of months with updates from the doctor. I realise that they require all this but it is such an invasion of privacy.

I Have Got a Job

Its been a busy couple of weeks. I had Rory’s 18th and then we went out of town to see Mum and Dad.

I applied for a job last Thursday and they called Friday and asked me start on Monday. It is working the graveyard shifts 11pm - 7am with a engineering training company and I will be doing the administration for their overseas offices, hence the graveyard shifts, because of the time difference.

When I saw it advertised I thought it would be perfect for me since I don’t sleep well through the nights anyway and I will be working on my own so I don’t have to worry about being overwhelmed with other people around all the time. Yes I know this is a type of avoidance :).

This week I have been doing training during the days, and I must say I was surprised how well I handled it. But I didn’t really have time to focus on my feelings as my brain was pretty fried every day with all the information I had to take in. It made it so much harder knowing that I really had to learn it properly within a short time as I wont have anyone to ask once I start on my own. On Monday I do further training on the night shift for another week, and then I am on my own.

So this weekend I am getting my sleeping patterns into gear for my work times and hopefully be prepared for Monday night, I am sure it will take the first week to work out how I will sleep. Not sure if I will sleep straight after I finish work at 7am or stay up till 12 or 1 and then sleep till around 9pm. I’m sure my body will decide which is best for it.

Ruby

1. Robert on October 4th, 2007 7:33 pm

   I was starting to get worried about you - no posts for almost 2 weeks!

   But now you have posted your good news, I’m sooooo relieved.

   Congratulations!

2. Ruby on October 4th, 2007 9:16 pm

   Thank you for your concern Robert, its nice to know someone misses me once I get into more of a routine I should be able to get back to more regular posting again.

Doctor & Psychologist

I have finally found a new doctor after one year of wanting to. It is such a relief to have made that move and to see a doctor who is actually proactive in assisting me in getting better. I have only had the need to see him a couple of times so far but I am very happy with his service.

I saw my psychologist for the last time two weeks ago, because of the mental health back log in Australia I was only to get ten visits but was lucky enough (or sick enough) to get fifteen. It was definitely a great help seeing her for this time, but feel I still have a long way to go before I am back to normal (whatever normal is…).

I am now having problems with social situations since I haven’t been in any for a year and a half now, so I am hoping that practice will heal that one, but I am not jumping in trying to get out there either. I am still happy just staying at home, not because of the agoraphobia but because I have no tolerance for people now. I have rejoined the GROW group on Mondays which was great to get back to again, and I am looking into other social groups that I can go to, but I haven’t found one that interests me yet. Now that I have my own transport I want to attempt to catch up with family again, that all live out of the city. I have lost touch with so many people since all this started this time around, I am in two minds if their friendships were even worth anything in the first place since they haven’t made effort to contact me. I understand that some have their own issues with mental health, and others believe that I need to time to myself to get better, but I believe personally that it is fear that keeps people away as they don’t really understand what agoraphobia means.

My sleeping pattern is getting a bit better, I am generally sleeping between 5-6 hours a night, but because I need a good 8-9 hours to feel human, I am still having a nanna nap in the afternoons, but at least there is some sort of routine now rather than really erratic like it was before.

Well there is a break in the rain, so I am taking my dog for a nice walk.

Ruby

1. Aff on September 18th, 2007 3:31 am

   Just a quick note to say thanks for the link. I’ve linked you back and bookmarked the site.

   I’ll definitely be back

2. Ruby on September 19th, 2007 1:00 pm

   Hi Aff
   Thanks for coming by, see you soon

   Ruby

3. Robert on September 19th, 2007 7:33 pm

   Marie makes friends easily, but once they find out that there are many activities that she can’t share with them, most let the friendship lapse.

   However, a few have stuck by her. Quality is better than quantity!

   I’m sure that your approach to socialising is the correct one, and it will pay off in due course. Visiting family, even if they haven’t been keeping in touch as much as they could have, will help you hone your smalltalk and chitchat skills!

4. Ruby on September 21st, 2007 1:40 am

   Hi Robert,
   I don’t have problems making friends, but I hate making smalltalk and chitchat it bores me to tears. I am sure I should have been a man as I believe that if you haven’t got anything real to say then say nothing…lol, which is probably why most women don’t hang around, cause I am just not a woman
   I would rather sit round a table with blokes than women any time. But I agree with what your saying that you have to practice social skills to keep them up to scratch and there is an art to it for sure.

Finally Back

There have been a few things happening since I was on last. Chloe left last week for her work, and not sure when I will be seeing her next, thank goodness for phones as I speak to her every couple of days. Rory took holidays to spend his 18th birthday with his old school friends and his dad and he has been gone for a week and will be back in another 3 days. It has been lovely to have the place to myself and have peace and quiet.

Chloe gave me her old car and she bought a brand new one, and it feels great to have my own transport now, so I am going to get stuck into finding some part time work without having to worry about transport.

I have been trying to get into a routine of taking my dog for a walk every couple of days, and have been doing pretty well so far, but the rain has come back and is staying for a few days so there wont be any walks till the sun comes back out. Apart from this I haven’t done many outings besides the shops etc.

Well finally got the keyboard for my laptop, sort of anyway. I bought it of eBay and when I got it I realised that this model keyboard can be secured by 3 or 4 screws, and mine is by 3 and the one that I bought was by 4. After contacting the seller numerous times to inquire about replacing or returning the item without any reply, out of frustration I finally ripped the screws off and now the keyboard is just sitting in the laptop unsecured. eBay is great for some things but I think I have to be more careful in future.

Reality Apart From Agoraphobia

While I have been sick, I have had a lot of time to ponder on this question. I haven’t been able to put any of my skills into practice besides the shops for weekly groceries during this time, but I have come to some conclusions about my illness.

Knowing that I have had agoraphobia to some degree for most of my life, it is very hard to see what is agoraphobia and what is a personality that has formed over the years. And like all personalities they are formed from trials and tribulations including having agoraphobia for over 20 years without being aware of it.

I have never really been a social or extrovert person, I have always preferred just a few friends and going out only with one other person, if I want to have a good time, otherwise I feel too self conscious and I don’t enjoy the outing at all and I have never enjoyed going anywhere by myself besides work and shopping etc., and have always been a bit of a homebody and really enjoy my own company.

So now I feel pressured that I have to start doing things that I would never have gone out of my way to do before, because I am supposed to be on the better side of overcoming agoraphobia.
But I have decided that I am happy being me, albeit socially stunted, and I don’t want a new personality that isn’t me. I am happy to just know that I am able to do things if I choose to and not having to go out and practice them every week.

Now I am sure that some will say that if I don’t put my skills into practice regularly then I am just using my avoidance behaviour, but I don’t believe this is true, its just a personal choice, because I have no interest in being a social butterfly or going on regular outings.

So that is the conclusion I have come to, I know I still have a way to go before I am free of agoraphobia, but I am definitely on the right path, and my next step is to find a club or group where I can start meeting people of the opposite sex as I have been on my own for nearly ten years now and would like some companionship and the occasional dinner.

Ruby

1. Robert on September 7th, 2007 11:32 am

   Hi there Ruby!

   Glad to hear that you’re doing well. Long may it continue!

   Robert

2. Ruby on September 14th, 2007 10:37 pm

   Yes well, sort of anyway, I don’t feel that the agoraphobia is restricting me as much as it used to do, but I feel I still have a long way to go. Depression, being out of the social circle and trying to work out what sort of employment I should try to get into now where I wont feel overwhelmed. But it will all sort it self out in time.

I’m Back From Illness

I finally feel better, this has been a horrible flu, being really sick for two weeks, then still coughing continuously for another week, and now coughing only around 20 times a day which doesn’t cause pulled muscles. This flu has gone around the whole country and is the regarded the worst ever, and I’m not surprised, its been horrid and I hope this is it for me for flu’s this year. Chloe is finally not coughing any more, and Rory still coughing occasionally and he had it before me.

I have bought a keyboard for my laptop on eBay, but still haven’t received it, it better be here next week as its driving me crazy carting around an external keyboard everywhere.

My Laptop

Can’t believe I have been so sick for nearly two weeks now, and only managing the most of 3 hours sleep between coughing fits.

Went to the docs on Monday and got some antibiotics, which have started to kick in. I’m not feeling so tired and lethargic any more, but the cough is still there and probably will be for at least another week.

Since I have been so sick and not spending much time on the puter I decided that I would clean my laptop keyboard thoroughly. So I took of all the keys and cleaned it properly, then 5 hours later I still had only got about a dozen keys on (sort of). I have done this on my desktop keyboard and it works fine. So I started looking through forums for solutions, I should have read these first as the gist of all of them was - DON’T DO IT…EVER, I wish I had read them first. So I know have had to order another keyboard insert and have to wait for it to arrive by mail.

My laptop is not so portable any more as I have to have a external keyboard plugged into it. I have been so spoilt having wireless broadband and being able to use my laptop anywhere in the house or garden, now I’m stuck at my desk.

So for any of you out there with a laptop and you have stray food etc under the keys, just use the vacuum cleaner, its a much cheaper option.

Ruby

1. Robert on September 7th, 2007 11:29 am

   My cat ripped off about half of the keys of my laptop, but luckily after much time & effort I was able to put them back on again.

   Then my toddler daughter decided to have a go and took most of them off before being discovered. This time not so lucky - 8 keys wouldn’t go on at all, and one more on but not quite right. Later I was able to reorganise my keyboard parts and now have all the keys I regularly use working ok.

   Marie was not so lucky - my toddler daughter spilled her orange juice on her laptop. Now you can press one key and get a totally different letter/number on the screen! She has been using a USB keyboard until recently when desperation forced her to take it to the repair shop. It’s still there and now she’s monopolising MY laptop!

   So your advice is too late for me!!

   Robert

2. Ruby on September 14th, 2007 10:34 pm

   Yes we all learn by our mistakes….ooops
   well mine is finally fixed, I got sick of dragging the USB keyboard around with me, so I didn’t use it all, I must be too spoilt by technology or something

Chloe Is Off Again

Chloe got accepted for a country position she has always wanted, and very difficult to get in to. I am so pleased for her that she is moving the way she planned in her career.

But I am selfishly disappointed to see her go, I have really enjoyed having her in town for these past few months, and thought that with her permanent position in the city, she would settle here, but her eye was on her goal and she got it. Rory will also miss her terribly, as they get along so well, and have lots of fun together.

But we can go and visit (not too often though as it is 2500km away), and I don’t fly, so it will have to be a long trip with the drive there and back.
Hopefully she will get flown back occasionally for work and we can catch up then.

I am really proud of her getting to where she wanted to be, and at such a young age.

On the Mend

I have had a hellish few days with this flu, it doesn’t help that 5 children and 2 adults have died from it in the past month, so it was quiet stressful as well.

I am still not 100% but not in bed 24/7 now, which is a great relief. Actually got up and did some housework and a few loads of washing today. So I will still take it easy for the next few days, but at least I have the energy to do a few things now.

Ruby

1. Robert on August 23rd, 2007 12:33 pm

   Glad to learn that you’re feeling better!

   Robert

Sick With The Flu

My mobile phone is broken, it has been playing up for a while not receiving text messages and missed call alerts randomly, now it has gotten much worse. I am not a big user mainly so the kids can reach me, but it is now being missed that I can only receive and make calls which as we all know costs a lot more than texting. Not that the kids notice it much as they use their mobiles as an extension of their arms anyway

Chloe is just getting over her flu and chest infection after three weeks, she has been so sick poor girl, but is finally getting better.
Then Rory started having a sore throat and getting a chest infection a few days ago.
Now I am the lucky owner of it. I hate the flu, but what I hate even more is the non-stop coughing which continuously wakes me during the night, its like I’m sleeping in blocks of between 2-4 hours, so for now I’m just going to concentrate on getting better.

I was going to restart attending the GROW group on Monday now that they have relocated, I spoke to them on Sunday to advice that I would be there in the morning but that didn’t happen with the onset of the flu.

On the bright side Rory has bought his first car, and he is proud as punch, all he needs to do now is to sit for his license so he can drive it on his own.

Feeling Depressed Still

I can’t believe how depressed I have been feeling lately, its weird because there doesn’t seem to be a reason for it though I know there has to be, just cant put my finger on it. I have been teary all day today, and that is definitely not like me, the poor kids have copped it all day, but I figure I owe them a bit of misery

The weather is going to start fining up soon (they say) so I’ll be able to get outside a bit, it’s terrible when it rains non stop for weeks on end. I think that the rain has a lot to do with how I’m feeling and the ongoing insomnia probably hasn’t helped either.

So the plan is to wake up tomorrow in a brighter mood and take the dog for a walk.

Ruby

1. Robert on August 23rd, 2007 12:30 pm

   Dear Ruby,

   The weather affects how we ALL feel, so don’t worry about your current mood!

   Robert

2. Ruby on August 24th, 2007 1:38 pm

   Thanks, still feel like shite but that’s due to the flu now, hopefully when I’m better I will get back on track again.

Univeristy

I found this university site where you can do external studies through various Australian Uni’s and spent hours looking through all the computer study options and finally decided on BA of Internet Studies. I phoned up to enrol and they have changed the HECS fees applications so that permanent residents can’t apply for it any more so I have to organise to become a citizen. I applied for HECS a few years ago and there were no restrictions for me then. I got so angry at first that they will support people from other countries that have a study visa, but not for a resident that has a permanent visa makes no sense to me, so I figure they must make more money of people who don’t live in the country. So now I have to wait till next year to enrol….hmmm

I was really disappointed as I was looking forward to getting my teeth into something, but I also believe that everything happens for a reason so I will apply for my citizenship and reapply after that. I also realised that I have been lucky that I haven’t been affected in the last 36 years by not being a citizen.

So now I am going to go through all the practical skills in previous computer courses that I have done to make sure I am up to speed on everything. There is so much that I don’t use on a daily basis that I want to refresh my memory.

So now I have a purpose and something to work towards and that is a really great feeling.

Ruby

1. Robert on August 23rd, 2007 12:29 pm

   Ruby-

   It’s really unfortunate about the uni. But as we all know, life is unfair…

   Btw, what is your original nationality & why did you come to Oz?

   Just being nosy!

   Robert

2. Ruby on August 24th, 2007 1:36 pm

   Yes that life is…. but I will look into it again next year.
   I came from North Europe, and my family migrated here when I was 10, so no choice on my part, though I love it here.

Chores Lists

I am a bit of an organisational nut, and like a place for everything or it drives me crazy, so I have made up some lists to pick one each day to do house and garden chores as well as pleasant things so we don’t forget about ourselves to do on an ongoing basis to keep things up to date as I find that I am not as motivated as I used to be due to the depression and agoraphobia and this keeps me on track.

Everyday Tasks
Pick a project. Each day, do an organizing project that will take a mere 10 minutes or less. Some possibilities are weeding-out a junk drawer or file folder, deleting 10 email messages you don't need, writing-out a bill or two, or cleaning up some of the clutter that's on your bedroom dresser surface.


Measure where you are. Setting goals is great, and definitely something you should do. Each day, check your list of goals to determine how far you've gotten. Mark % next to each goal, such as Goal 1, 10% completed, or Goal 2, 50% completed. Numerical goals are more concrete.


Allocate YOU time. Every day, you should have YOU time scheduled on your calendar. Time you spend on yourself, doing something you truly enjoy doing. Keep this appointment with yourself, just as you would any other important appointment.


Do something on tomorrow's to-do list. Use 15 minutes each night to start and/or complete something you have listed on tomorrow's to-do list. When tomorrow arrives, you'll already be ahead of schedule.


Stop paper before it starts. Open your mail over the recycle container and immediately dump all junk before it ever has a chance to hit your kitchen table.


Take notes and make lists. The average person has too much to remember on a daily basis to remember it all without writing it down.


Take a moment to think. Each time you're asked to do something force yourself to say, 'I'll have to check my schedule and get back to you. You'll have a little bit of time to determine if this is something you truly want to do or if it fits into your schedule. Then be strong with yourself and them whether it’s a yes or no.

Don't wait until later. Don't wait for something to get completely out of hand before you begin focusing on it. File papers on a daily basis and put your outerwear into the coat closet rather than first tossing it over a chair.


Personal Tasks
Evaluate the goals you set at the beginning of the month to check your progress. If you've completed all of them, set three new ones.

Be sure you have YOU time scheduled on your calendar every single day this month--at least 30 minutes or more to do something you really love to do.

Take the day off and do absolutely nothing. No fooling!

Pamper yourself with a pedicure

Try a new haircut, trendy nail polish colour. If you like it, then great. If not, that's OK--no permanent harm done and at least you can say you gave it a whirl.

Pay someone a compliment today

Remember that it is OK to say 'No' sometimes

Do something fun with someone you love, and while you're at it, do something nice for yourself.

Go to a dancing or exercise class

Learn Feng Shui

Write a letter to a relative who lives out-of-state. It's always fun to receive a letter, versus a bill, in the mail.

Say 'thanks, but I can't make it' to the next invitation you get that you don't want to attend.

Look up an old friend you haven't communicated with in awhile. Call or write a letter to catch up.

Call a friend who you haven’t talked to in a while. Tell them you miss them.

Sign up for something that will keep you healthy, such as water aerobics, a walking club, tennis or badminton lessons

Write a letter to someone you had a falling out with a while ago and try to make amends.

Call at least one person you've been meaning to call for months.

If you can't remember the last time you purchased a new outfit, treat yourself with one this month.

Exercise your mind by memorizing all the words of a song you enjoy

Reconsider renewing your subscription if you're already overextended in your reading goals.

Go to the beach and read a book.

Keep a journal of the fun things done on these lists.

Dance to favourite music.

Have a long candlelit bath.

Take your dog for a walk.

Get tickets to go see a professional sports game.

Go bowling with a group of your friends.

Go bird watching around your neighbourhood.

Go to a theatre, play, concert or a movie.

Go to the races or dogs.

Go to a museum, a historic building like an old church maybe, the library or the observatory

Play board game, do a crossword or a jigsaw.

Learn a language that you have been wanting to

Learn how to decoupage, so you can make your own pretty organizing containers for storage

Go to a garden park and have a picnic, collect things for craft while you are there maybe spray with hairspray and make a display.

Do a craft like basketry, redoing antiques, pottery, candle making or quilting.

Do something fun you haven't done in awhile, such as bowling, miniature golf or roller-skating

Go for a country drive to or take a bus tour


Cleaning Tasks
Thoroughly clean one of your appliances, such as your blender, food processor or indoor grill.

Dust off all of the picture frames and artwork in your home

Toss any old bed sheets and pillowcases, and buy your self a new set or two.

Is there a space between your kitchen cabinets and your ceiling? If so, dust that surface off with a feather duster.

Organize two dresser drawers, eliminating anything that no longer fits. And give to charity, family or friends

Clean out the drawers in your refrigerator. Completely empty them out, wipe them down thoroughly.

Iron clothing that need to be ironed before you wear them. Hang them in your closet.

Clean the tile grout in your bathroom and kitchen. Re-grouting if necessary.

Change any light bulbs that have burned out weeks ago, but you've never gotten around to doing.

Deep clean your shower and make it sparkle

Replace any old bath towels, with fresh new ones. Use the old ones for cleaning purposes.

Start making a 'spring cleaning' list of chores you want done around the house. When spring arrives, you'll be all set to begin.

Which room is most disorganized? Concentrate on clearing that one room only for the next few weeks. By the end of the month, it will be your most organized in the house

Clean under your refrigerator, oven and any other large appliances if possible.

Toss any food in your refrigerator that is past the expiration date.

Empty your cutlery trays and wipe them clean. If they're dishwasher safe, just toss them in on the next cycle.

Weed out clothes that no longer fit, so you have room for a new outfit or two, and donate them all to charity, family or friends

Dust and clean any framed art. (Important Note: Don't spray cleanser or water onto the glass. Instead, dampen a cloth to wipe the glass and the frames.)

Make a list of any outside repair work that needs to be done. Then, make an appointment with yourself, your spouse or a local contractor to fix at least one

Scrub down the toilet, including under the rim and the base. More than one bathroom? Ask your spouse or one of the kids to scrub down the other toilet.


Do a small 'outdoor' repair you've been meaning to get to.

Dust off all the windowsills in your home and office.

Clean all of your windows, inside and out.
Or, glance in your local Yellow Pages and find a professional window cleaner to do the job for you.

Catch up on ironing. Invest an hour or two, it will be worth it to have everything in your closet ready to be worn

Clean your closet from top to bottom. Empty it out completely. Give to charity. Wrap rubber bands around each end of your hangers to prevent strappy items slipping off.

Weed out your pantry. Donate any unopened, non-perishable foods that you never plan to eat to a local food bank

Get rid of any crayon marks, scuff marks, and soap scum in a jiffy.

Turn your mattress over or rotate it to prevent compression. If you have a no turn mattress, then take off the bedding and just let it air out all day.

Drag all of your garbage bins into your driveway and clean them well. Since you can use the garden hose, it's a much easier task when done outdoors.

Clean out your oven. Use a fume free oven cleaner.

Leftover candle wax in your glass candle holders? Try putting them in your freezer for a few hours. When you remove them, you should be able to pop the wax right out.


Organisational Tasks

Peruse your bookshelves and bring any unwanted reads over to a charity

Are you meeting your goals as planned? Make changes now.

Evaluate your eating habits. Are you mostly eating healthy

Organize your tools—in boxes or boards

Cosmetics only last one year. Look through your current lot & throw out any old one

Put a small notebook and pen by each phone.

Plow through a box of old paperwork at the office or

Recycle old magazines.

Gather all the umbrellas in your hang them on hooks, store one in the car.

Get pre-printed address labels to use for your mail or make them on your PC

Go through your cookbooks and give away to charity.

Add some hand lotion near your sink it will encourage you

Update the address book on your cell & home phone.
Print out any photos you wish to place in albums, photo boxes or scrapbooks.
Take an inventory of your home office supplies and replenish any that are running low

Free up space on your PC, by deleting files you don’t need

Update your resume' if you haven't done so in awhile.

Take an inventory of next seasons clothes. You'll know whether you have enough for the season

Fill a small pouch to put batteries in. Next time you'll have a replacement in a jiffy.

Do you have small gifts in the house. Store them together, and check this stock before you buy your next gift.

Are you behind in reading your mail? Set aside time today to catch up

Set a timer and spend 60 minutes weeding out your filing cabinet.

Add a few glass shelves to your bathroom wall

Fill a pretty vase with artificial flowers. When you get fresh flowers, just swap

Use a spiral notebook, to jot down any titbits or web sites you'd like to visit.

When organizing the kitchen, don’t forget the back doors. There are organizers to store rolls of wrap and container lids.

Defrag your computer. If it is not on your schedule, try to defrag your computer once a month.

Organize all of your shoes onto a shoe rack or into shoe cubbies.

Update your spice collection. Toss all those that are beyond their expiration dates. Purchase fresh spices as needed.

Refill any empty toilet paper rolls, tape dispensers, cereal containers, paper towel rolls and anything else that needs refilling.

Paint your garden tools in bright colours so they'll be easy to spot when you put them down.

Get rid of those frayed, spent towels and replace them with fresh, new ones.

Take some family photos, if you haven't in awhile. Print and insert them into an album or scrapbook.

Do some early Christmas shopping

Buy a few generic gifts – candles, gift vouchers, hand lotion, kids' games and. You will have them ready.

Stock up on any necessities you're running out of, such as toilet paper, tissues or batteries.

Taking a vacation? Use the Internet to begin researching destinations, attractions and so on.

Go shopping for an organizing tool, such as a container with compartments or some shelves.

Try to learn at least one new thing each day. Buy yourself a notebook and jot down your findings.

Have a notebook for restaurants you've visited. Keep name, phone,

If you plan to walk, get yourself a good pair of sneakers.

Get a tote bag. Add articles or business publications. Take it when you leave and read during waiting times,

Learn something you have been meaning to, and look it up on the Internet at the library.

Try to learn at least one new thing each day. Buy yourself a notebook and jot down your findings.

Make daily activity logs each day for a week to see where you are spending/ wasting your time.

Miscellaneous Tasks

Create a list of 21 favourite meals,

Think of someone, that you'd like to invite over for dinner.

Organize an 'appetizers and beverages' outing with your friends.

Visit a local farmer’s market and check out all the fruits and vegies in season.

Did you know that peppermint is diffused in offices in Japan to help keep workers alert?

Plant dill and parsley in your garden or container garden. You'll attract lots of butterflies.

Fill up the bird feeders to attract feathered-friends to your yard.

Read the local newspaper to find what's going on in your town

Watch one of the movies in your video/DVD collection, even if you've seen it before.

Do gardening or work in the back yard.

Do something fun, such as a family picnic in the living room, a games night or family karaoke.

Try something new you've never done before, such as making your own piecrust or crocheting a scarf

Come up with an emergency escape plan for your house. Have drills quarterly.

Paint one room in your home that could use a makeover.

Try something new, such as going line dancing.

Declaring a game night each month. Have each family member write his or her game choice on an index card. Then draw one each month.

Take your pet(s) in for checkups and/or grooming.

Bring your car in for an oil change and a maintenance check.

Volunteer to do something for a friend, at your church or for your favourite charity

Did you know that under inflated tires waste more than two million gallons of gasoline a day? Check your tyres

Visit your local garden shop for seeds or starter plants.

Make an appointment for each member of your family for an annual doctor's check up.

1. Sarah on August 7th, 2007 6:24 pm

   Hello..

   I am LOVING this post, its absolutely fantastic!
   All i need now is a big stick of dynamite up my backside to get me moving…

   Have a good day,

   Sarah♥

2. Ruby on August 7th, 2007 9:01 pm

   Hi Sarah
   I’m really glad you got something out of it, it is really helping me at the moment - hope you find some dynamite

House Recipes

I try to stay away from chemical cleaners and have added some recipes below to non chemical cleaners and most of them work better that bought ones as well.

Products

Bicarbonate Of Soda
It softens water to increase the suds and cleaning power of soap and is a good scouring powder

Borax
Cleans and deodorises, is an excellent disinfectant and softens water

Vinegar
Cuts grease and freshens

Eucalyptus
For stains of unknown origin, or stains which have dried, try a dab of eucalyptus oil. Eucalyptus is also good for removing some glue stains, chewing gum residue and sticky substances.

Cloudy Ammonia
Cuts heavy grease and grime but it can be dangerous. Fumes irritate eyes and lungs and can be harmful to people with respiratory problems. Use ammonia only when other cleaners won’t do the trick, and always provide good ventilation. NEVER!! mix ammonia with bleach. Highly toxic fumes can form

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Kitchen

Dishwashing
Rinsing dishes before food residue hardens makes cleaning them easier and uses less detergent. Add vinegar for really tough, baked-on grease. I add vinegar straight into my dishwashing liquid as it leaves dishes squeaky clean

Burnt Pots And Pans
Coat the area with a thick paste of bicarb and water and leave for several hours before washing. If its only mildly burnt you can boil water and bicarb in the pan for 5 mins before cleaning off
Or
Put half an inch of vinegar in the bottom of it then put it in the freezer. Once the vinegar has frozen, let it thaw and sprinkle it with bicarbonate soda. When the liquid starts fizzing rub it with a brush and the stain will come out. You can do the same without freezing but it will probably take a couple of applications. The same trick works for baked on grease.

Cutting Boards – To Remove Smells
Pour a little vinegar over the cutting board. Let it set for a minute or two, then wipe and rinse. Alternatively use mouthwash or toothpaste as a deodoriser.

Cleaning Air Filters And Fridge Shelves
Submerse in a mixture of water, soap and vinegar and let soak for a few hours then clean off and rinse with hot water

Ovens
Prevent baked-on grease: scrape up spills as soon as they’re cold enough to handle.
Keep a baking tray on the bottom rack to catch drips and spills
When accidents happen, combine a strong version of our Heavy Duty Cleanser 1
Wear gloves when scrubbing to protect your hands.

Oven Racks
Get a large enough rubbish bag and put in a mix of warm water, detergent and a cup of Cloudy Ammonia (Wear gloves and do this in a well ventilated area or outdoors) Put the racks in the bag and close up and leave for a few hours. Clean them off and rinse with hot water.

Prevent Smelly Bins
Sprinkle 1/4 cup each of borax and bicarbonate of soda into the bottom of the empty bin.

Basins
Unpleasant odours may be dealt with by placing 1/2-cup baking soda in the sink followed by 1 cup of vinegar. Let it foam and bubble, then run hot water for at least 30 seconds or longer. Vinegar is used to kill bacteria causing bad smells.
If you have two sinks, plug one side before commencing the procedure. Also try this method if a clog happens.

Tiles
Wipe or spray vinegar onto the mould, leave overnight and scrub in the morning.

Sticky Labels
Use eucalyptus oil to help remove stubborn labels and label residue from your glassware. Simply rub on, leave for a short time and should come off easily.

Bathroom & Toilet

Use a firm bristled brush with bicarb and hot water as alternative.
It cleans and deodorises.

Basins And Bathtubs
Unpleasant odours may be dealt with by placing 1/2-cup baking soda in the sink followed by 1 cup of vinegar. Let it foam and bubble, then run hot water for at least 30 seconds or longer. Vinegar is used to kill bacteria causing bad smells.
If you have two sinks, plug one side before commencing the procedure. Also try this method if a clog happens.

Tiles
Wipe or spray vinegar onto the mould, leave overnight and scrub in the morning.

Mirrors
For routine cleaning, use 3 tablespoons of vinegar in 1 litre of warm water.
To dry surfaces, use cheesecloth or crumpled newspaper.

Toilet
Try a strong solution of vinegar.
Apply a thick paste of borax and lemon juice to stubborn areas. Leave for several hours.

---

Laundry

Rub soiled clothes with liquid soap.

Bleach - Use ½ cup borax per wash to whiten and brighten colours

Fabrics Softener - Add ½ cup vinegar or ¼ cup bicarb during final rinse.

Static Cling - To reduce static cling in tumble-dried synthetics like rayon or polyesters, dampen hands when folding.

Dry-Cleaning - Try to buy items that don’t require dry-cleaning. Many garments labelled “dry clean only” can be safely hand-washed using mild soap to avoid dry-cleaning solvents that are toxic

Deodorant Stains On Fabric
Make a paste out of Napisan Plus to the consistency of peanut butter. Rub it onto the stains and leave for 15-20 minutes then throw in the washing machine without rinsing the mixture off

Grease On Fabric
Apply a little baby oil to the stain with a cotton ball, rubbing in circles. Then soak in Napisan and hot water before washing as usual.

Washing Machine
Clean throughout including hosing by ½ filling with hot water and placing 2 Dishwasher tablets in and run through the cycle.

---

Windows

For routine cleaning, use 3 tablespoons of vinegar in 1 litre of warm water. To dry surfaces, use reusable cheesecloth or crumpled newspaper. If the glass is especially dirty, first wash with warm soapy water.

---

Carpets & Furniture

Carpet
When buying carpet, choose natural materials such as cotton and wool over synthetics.
Buy rugs and carpets that haven’t been treated with insecticides and fungicides.
When rugs are cleaned, make sure no pesticides are used.
Avoid commercial products containing chlorine, formaldehyde and solvents such as trichloroethylene, methylene and nitrobenzene
To thoroughly clean and deodorise carpets, mix 2 parts corn meal (Polenta) with 1 part borax. Sprinkle liberally; leave one hour and then vacuum.
Quick deodorising is easy - sprinkle the carpet with bicarb then vacuum.

Dogs Urine Smell In Carpet
Remove the smell of dog urine from carpet by sprinkling a 500g packet of bicarb soda over the spot. If a very large area, use 2 packets and sprinkle thickly over area. Leave for 24 hrs before vacuuming up.

Furniture That Dogs Sits On
Use Bran and Vinegar. Mix about a cup of unprocessed wheat bran in a bowl with a little vinegar to the consistency of brown sugar and add a couple of drops of lavender. The mixture must not be wet. Sweep the mixture back and forth across the surface you want to clean and the dirt comes away.

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Pests

Ants
There are two main kinds of ants; one is attracted to proteins and the other to sugars.
To find out which you have put out some Parmesan cheese and some icing sugar. If the ants go for the cheese then they like protein and fats; and if they attack the sugar then they like sugar. Mix whichever is the preferred food half and half with borax and leave out where their trails are.
Or
Try sprinkling either talcum powder or borax
Or
A paste made of boiling two cups of sugar with one cup of water and two tablespoons of borax. Or
Try sprinkling a few crumbled bay leaves on windowsills each month.

Blow Flies
You can ward off blow flies by growing basil in pots nearby entrances.

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Recipes For Cleansers And Deodorisers

Heavy Duty Cleanser 1
4 litres hot water
¼ cup cloudy ammonia
1 tablespoon bicarbonate of soda
Mix together. For a stronger mixture, double all the ingredients except water.

Heavy Duty Cleanser 2
2 tablespoons borax
1 teaspoon soap
1 litre water
This can be stored in a spray bottle.

Hospital Quality Disinfectant
Use ¼ cup borax dissolved in 2 litres hot water. Keeping surfaces clean and dry reduces the need for disinfectants.

Natural Disinfectant & Air Freshener
You can make your own natural disinfectant.
Dissolve 30 drops of Lemon or Tee Tree essential oil (oil) in 1 teaspoon of methylated spirits. Mix in one litre of distilled water and store in an airtight glass bottle.
.
Deodorisers

Clover & Malt Vinegar
You can make a spicy room deodorizer by filling a bowl or open container with malt vinegar and a teaspoon of ground clover

Apple & Cinnamon
Boil water, an apple and some cinnamon in a pot. Let the aroma fill the house with a pleasant smell. Leave on stovetop until ready to throw out

Cinnamon
Sprinkle cinnamon on aluminium foil and place it in a hot oven with the oven door open. As the cinnamon heats, the cinnamon will permeate the house. Alternative place cinnamon (add cloves if you wish) in cheesecloth bag and boil the cheesecloth bag

A Long Time Between Psych Visits

I saw my psych again today, first time in five weeks. I have had a crappy few weeks with sleeping patterns and feeling a bit depressed, but still doing better than I have in the past year. This visit we talked about changing one of my thought patterns - I don’t have any problems doing things for other people, but don’t make the effort for myself. Maybe its being a mother and wife and being so used of always putting others first, that we forget about ourselves.

If one of my family members or a place of work asks me to do something, I will jump in and do it straight away without a second thought. But when it is things like walking to the shops or catching a bus to recover from agoraphobia I can’t get motivated enough to do anything. I don’t know why I have this attitude that I am not important enough to warrant effort and I suppose it doesn’t really matter where it originated from. So for this month my task is to changed my thought process that I am worthy of change in the long term and that everything I do is to make me a better and mentally healthier person.

This will be a hard one as I have obviously always thought this way and it will take a real conscious daily effort - will let you know how I get on.

We also talked about things we have and don’t have control of and which ones are blurred. Since its been raining for nearly 3 weeks now we talked about how I don’t have control of the rain, but how I can control how I think of it and the options I can use to work around it. Another example was how we don’t have control of how other people behave or act, but we have control over how we interact with them to make it a better experience.

She believes that I am doing really well and have all the skills I need to recover and that it is now up to me to put these skills into practice and reinforce them on a daily or weekly basis. This is a bit scary as I find it easier to do things when I know I have to report back to her (pleasing others again..) than to just do them for myself. I only have two visits left with her so I will see her monthly for these last ones.

Strange how others can see strengths in us that we aren’t that confident in, I suppose that I don’t feel that confident this week as I have had a bit of depressing run, but I will get there…eventually :). One great thing is that my anxiety level has definitely lowered since starting this therapy and that I am very grateful for.

Ruby

1. Elizabeth Deur on February 20th, 2009 10:46 am

   Hello,

   I am diagnosed with panic disorder and agoraphobia but I actually havent left my home in 2 years with exception to go the dr and that can only be with my safety person and on xanax (a block away) lately I am more anxious than ever in my life and even just sitting at home. I have suffered with this for over 10 years and it will come and go and I have been on various methods of treatment none to be extremely beneficial or not have lasting side effects.The only thing I take now is an occassional xanax which doesnt help too much.I believe my symptoms are worse due to being premenapausal. can anyone give me advice or help walk me throught this I am panicking as Iwrite.

2. Ruby on February 26th, 2009 9:00 am

   Welcome Elizabeth

   I know exactly how you feel, my current backslide was due to menopause starting, personally I find doing progressive relaxation tapes and meditation really beneficial in lessening my anxiety. I was housebound for 6 months, and then 4 months this time round - 2 years is such a long time.

   I don’t have a support person unfortunately, so I have to really push myself to go to places I really need to like doctors and chemist, the more I do it the easier it gets but I am still very limited in the places I can get to.

   Chatting about it all on here really helps me to, as I feel I am making myself accountable in my attempts to get to places. I hope you stay around and chat with us, check my blog roll as well as there are many of us out there, what works for one doesn’t always for another.

   I’m glad you left this comment, and I hope to chat again soon

A Travel Book

Chloe had gone travelling for a year and came back 6 months ago, during this time she had sent some great comical emails about what she saw and did. After being home I realised that as much as her memories will always be with her, she didn’t have anything tangible of her travels.

I retyped all her emails and added photos relevant to the place she was and made her a 48 page book with room for her to add more photos if she wishes too. She was so happy with what I had done to keep her memories alive.

She was so happy with this book that it got me thinking how we are so overtaken by materialism and spending lots of $$$$ to make our friends and family happy, when it all it takes is a bit of thought and a few hours… I hope I can take on board this as well and maybe take up bit of craft for x-mas presents.

Ruby

1. Robert on August 6th, 2007 7:22 pm

   The best christmas present I ever got was from my 4 oldest girls. They had got together and made a collage from photos in our family albums. They then got the collage framed.

   The gift cost them very little in financial terms, but the thought and time that they put into it made it very, very special.

   Robert

2. Ruby on August 7th, 2007 3:22 pm

   Yes totally agree, a thought is much more precious than someone spending half an hour at a store.
   I decoupaged my sisters Christmas plates last year for them to use each year. I am now in the process of working out what to make this year for everyone.

Insomnia….Grrrr

I’ve had a terrible time with insomnia this week, not getting to sleep before the sun rises and napping through the day trying to rejuvenate then dragging myself up just in time for when Rory finishes work. So needless to say that it has been a very uneventful week besides visitors flying out last night.

The negativity and irrational thoughts really set in when not getting enough sleep over a period of time, so have been trying to deal with that and telling myself that it is only the lack of sleep and not buying into the negativity, but still have been feeling depressed. Finally got a good nights sleep last night with a solid seven hours, I feel partially human today.

I have always suffered with insomnia, it can take me hours to fall asleep, but luckily once I am asleep I am out for the count. I really feel for the sufferers that have broken sleep on a regular basis, I think that would be much worse.

It has been raining constantly for nearly two weeks now, which is great for the dams, but I don’t think it helps the depressed feeling

1. Robert on August 2nd, 2007 12:09 am

   Hi Ruby!

   No insomnia here! The opposite, in fact - can’t get enough time to get things done & when I get to bed, I’m totally unconscious in about 30 secs. (Not so good for my love life, though!)

   No rain here! Wall-to-wall sunshine. SUCH a change from the last 2 months. Enjoying it, ‘cos it might not last!

   Shit might be happening all around you, but you have got to grateful for the good things. Yes, I’m in positive thinking mode…

   Robert

2. Ruby on August 3rd, 2007 3:54 am

   Oh you lucky thing, it would be heaven to fall asleep so quickly.

Another Birthday Gone

Another year has passed, and now I’m 46. Had a lovely time with Rory, Chloe and her boyfriend, we had a gourmet meat and cheese platter (my all time favourite) at Chloe’s house. Funny how birthdays mean less and less as time goes on, except the time spent with family.

I have made a resolution to start exercising regularly in some form or another, I have DVD’s that I enjoy working out to, and I want to do some more walking - once the rain lets up. I have to really get stuck into this as I am putting on too much weight sitting around the house, and Chloe is getting concerned that I wont be around to see her kids (when she has them) grow up. She also wants me to give up smoking, but I don’t think that will be happening any time soon, its the only vice I have

Another birthday gone…..I hope the next one I will be less agoraphobic.

Good Deed

A neighbour came and asked if I could drive her to the hospital last night as she had injured her arm, it turned out she had cracked her funny bone, OUCH. I did think of declining but thought that would be a bit rude, she knows that I don’t like people so she must’ve been desperate to come ask me in the first place hehehe.

I drove her there and went and visited my x in-laws as there was no way I was going to stay in the hospital (good old avoidance techniques), and they live just around the corner which I was very grateful for, and picked her up when she was finished.

Only my x mother in-law was at home and we had a great catch up, and she even offered to catch the bus and meet me halfway somewhere for a coffee to help me get out a bit. It brought tears to my eyes that she would do that for me, as there aren’t many people who offer to have a potentially ruined outing, even more so since I divorced her son. I’m going to call her next week to organise when we will meet up.

More Visitors From the Country!

A great friend of mine became a grandmother two days ago to a gorgeous little girl, and she and her son rocked up on my doorstep on Sunday night to stay while getting to know her new granddaughter.

I only get to see her a couple of times of year so it’s great to catch up face to face, Sunday night we stayed up and chatted till nearly 1 in the morning, Monday was a more reasonable hour of 11. Normally I feel uncomfortable talking with more than one person, but it was pretty cool and relaxed and I only felt anxious a few times, and they were at the hospital for most of the day on Monday.

Poor Rory didn’t get to sleep till 1 either as he was catching up with her son and the poor thing had to go to work on only 4 hours sleep, he was exhausted Monday after work and was asleep by 6.30 and got up to have dinner at 8.

Sister’s Visit

My sister flew in from the country the other day, and luckily I don’t live far from the Airport, since I don’t have a car at them moment.

So I got a bus to the airport for 8 o’clock when she said she was flying in, but unknown to me she had meant that she left at eight. After reading the flight info and seeing she wasn’t in till 9 o’clock I went and read the blurb on just about every book in the bookshop, so now I know what is worth reading.

I was pretty anxious, but I knew I couldn’t go and leave her there, not knowing where I’d be, and the bookshop was a great distraction and that part of the airport was really quiet which I was very grateful for..

Finally she landed and we came home and had a great day together, it was so good to catch up without the kids around and just be sisters again. We didn’t do anything special just hung out and ate, and it was a perfect day.

So I’ve caught the bus now, just need a few more practices before the 7th of August.

Ruby

1. Louise on July 23rd, 2007 11:58 pm

   Ruby,

   What’s happening on the 7th August? (apart from my ex-boyfriend’s birthday, synchronicity at it’s best!).

   Thanks for your comment. Your lastest post brought me out in a cold sweat just reading it. My goodness, a bus and then an adjustment of waiting time would have had me asking a complete stranger to wait with a placard saying ‘Are you Ruby’s sister’ whilst I went and hid in a box somewhere. You are really good, especially with using the book blurbs as a distraction. That takes extraordinary strength of mind.

   Does it get easier doing it more and more? I know if you don’t run and get to the other side of doing something, it doesn’t reinforce it and has a desensitising effect, I just want to hear it from a normal person, not someone who wrote a book about it!

   Splendid work! I hope you and your sister have a great time catching up.

   xoxox

2. Sarah on July 24th, 2007 1:52 am

   **CONGRATS** for getting the bus. I know only too well about Mr Avoidence, but you did really good in getting on it and waiting in the airport

   WELL DONE…
   You show me that it is entirely possible to fight panic.

   Sarah♥

3. Ruby on July 25th, 2007 11:29 pm

   Louise
   The 7th is when I am supposed to catch 4 buses within 3 hours and see the psych, I don’t know that I will be ready for that big step.
   Yes it does get easier each time, it gives you proof that you wont die in the most horriblest (new word:)) way in public. Its weird, but I can do more if I am doing it for someone else, as where if I had to go the airport for me it wouldn’t have happened. I think that is another strange pattern learnt in childhood, that I am not as important as others.

   Also I find that it is sometimes 2 steps forward and 1 step back, but I suppose that is to be expected dealing with anxiety and panic attacks. Avoidance definitely doesn’t help at all, but it feels much better

   Thanks for your support too that really helps as well.

   Ruby xx

4. Ruby on July 25th, 2007 11:35 pm

   Thanks Sarah
   Yes it is possible, though not always easy (read reply above). Its lots of perseverance (and avoidance for me).

   I haven’t done much lately as its been raining every day, but not as much as England, its so sad to see the news of floods.

   Thanks for your support too Sarah, its such a nice feeling having people that understand, supporting achievements and backwards steps.

Psych Visit

On Tuesday I was supposed to go see the psych again. We have changed our visits to fortnightly now that she has taught me all the skills to get me through my anxiety and avoidance.

I was looking forward to going as I felt that I needed to see her to get my pep talk, especially after leaving my job. I got as far as the bus stop and that was the end of it for me, the thought of having to catch four buses and just a couple of hours overwhelmed me way too much. So I walked back home and called her at my appointment time and we just talked over the phone for half an hour. I was glad that I was still able to talk to her, but disappointed that I couldn’t get to see her.

She says that I am going very well (in the scheme of things) and that I have got a lot further than we thought I would by now. I am putting in place all the skills to get me through some of my difficult situations though the anxiety gets the better of me at times, but it’s such a nice feeling to know that I can do some things now and the rest will hopefully follow suit over time. Its nice to have someone barracking for you, it gives you that extra bit of confidence.

We have made another appointment for 3 weeks time, and it’s my task to practice the bus more until then, so I can actually get there.

I haven’t had any reason to get on a bus as yet, and I know that I should just catch it anyway, but I hate doing something if there is no reason for it, like doing a round trip on a bus going nowhere when I know its going to cause anxiety and panic.

Suppose that its something I have to force myself to do, otherwise its just more avoidance, but that will be easier said than done.

Getting Back on Track - Again

Because of the pain I was in last week I spent most of it in bed or on the lounge, and my sleeping pattern of course suffered, but the pain is gone now and I’m back to getting up at 5am and having brekky with Rory before he goes to work. I am still only sleeping in 4 or 5 hour blocks, but I am trying to stay awake for the whole day and get back into sleeping 8 hours again.

I have walked up to the corner shop twice this week, which was a great achievement and I even managed it without having a major panic attack. It was definitely not enjoyable, but it was nice to be out in the sun. I haven’t walked anywhere for such a long time, it was very scary, but I took on board the achievement of walking to the bus stop and used that to get through each step. I am going to walk up there every couple of days till it becomes a ‘normal’ activity.

I have planted about half of my natives and and I can’t wait till the grow..hmmm, will probably need a bit of patience for that one. My dog loves to dig up seedlings and chew on the roots, but she has only dug up one so far, and I hope that will be all she does…I can hope I haven’t checked the garden today yet…so fingers crossed.

1. Louise on July 17th, 2007 3:38 pm

   Hello Ruby!

   Thank you for visiting me and linking me! I feel absolutely honoured! I’m currently off work at the moment with sciatica so I can sympathise a bit on the pain front. I had been taking a codeine based painkiller that had a large amount of caffeine in it to prevent lethargy, forgetting that caffeine is panic’s best friend!! So I’ve decided to go cold turkey (Paracetamol doesn’t touch it) and put my feet up ’til it’s gone!

   Fantastic about your daily walks to the bus stop! What breed of dog do you have there?

   I shall visit again soon! xoxox

2. Ruby on July 17th, 2007 6:16 pm

   Your welcome Louise, us nutters have to stick together. I loved your writing style and quirky humour.
   Sciatica….ouch, I’m allergic to codeine, it makes me totally loose it. I take a pain killer called “Di-gesic” which is stronger than paracetamol but no spin outs for me.

   Shandi’s mum is an Australian Silky Terrier and her dad is Maltese/Shitzu, she is a lovely ball of fluff, a real lapdog. She is just on two so is starting to loose some of those horrid puppy traits. I have often thought of putting up a picture page, but as you I don’t have any interesting pics, I suppose I could photoshop myself into pics with interesting people hehehe.

   Hope you start feeling better soon

   Ruby

3. Sarah on July 17th, 2007 8:32 pm

   Hi there..

   A BIG fat well done for walking to the shop! It’s so hard getting back into the swing of things after illness, flipping heck, i’ve been failing at that for 8 months now.

   Hope you feel better soon

   Sarah♥

4. Rubyon July 17th, 2007 11:29 pm

   Thanks heaps Sarah
   Yes its not an easy road, I cant remember the last time I walked up to the shops, its been over a year that’s for sure.
   We will get there…eventually.

   Ruby

5. Louise on July 20th, 2007 12:38 am

   Hello Ruby

   Do you find it easier to go further when Shandi is with you? I read something about ‘involvement shields’ on an interesting article -

   http://www.lancs.ac.uk/fass/ihr/staff/documents/livingwithagoraphobia.pdf

   After reading this article I realised that people are my problem, not the surroundings. Like, if I was invisible, I wouldn’t be agoraphobic. I’d never thought that before.

   Am currently looking on ebay for a reasonably priced invisibility cloak. I’ll let you know…

   xoxox

6. Ruby on July 21st, 2007 11:59 am

   Yes I do Louise, I think too that its the invisibility thing, if Shandi is with me I don’t feel that I am focused on. I am trying to change my thinking to that people probably don’t give a hoot anyway.

   I had a brief look through the pdf, I’ll read it through properly later today, but I believe that my thought patterns came from Mum who was always saying “what will people think”.

   Crazy how we get programmed and how it affects us.

   Thanks for the link

   If you find that cloak let me know….

   Ruby

7. Louise on July 22nd, 2007 1:30 am

   My grandparents who had the most part of bringing me up were anxious. Very nice people but not very gutsy. I can imagine they would say “what will people think” to me too. It’s along those lines anyway. Totally relate to what you’re saying. Also suffered terribly from homesickness when a child. Funny but tragic - my mum/nan/grandad would leave me (at my insistance) at a friend’s house to stay the night and go home and sit by the phone with their coat on waiting for the inevitable call! haha.

   Won’t be posting much for the while, I’ve just split up with my boyfriend. No problem, I’m just going to gather my broken thoughts for a while.

   Much love xoxoxox