I still haven't had a full blown panic attack since reading Panic Away (except while waking up in pain, but I don't count that as it wasn't for the normal reasons.) I kept repeating to myself that every symptom I felt was just a feeling, I was the one putting the thought to it and making myself panic, and it has worked up to now.
I always felt all this was out of my control and there was nothing I could do, I could do CBT and other things, but it only ever got me so far. This was something I had control over, what the symptoms were, and that it was me translating them into something they were not.
I also downloaded the Linden method and the one great thing I took from there was how the amygdala - part of the limbic system - processes memory and emotional reactions and sets the anxiety level on past experiences. So I have been going around during my daily tasks talking to my amygdala!!!!
I thought I was crazy before, now I really think I am :-) but it seems to be working, these two methods are moving me along slowly but surely at the moment.
I have gone into more shops (still not shopping centres) and can stay in there longer, I have even managed to do a full shop (not done for two years now) on 3 occasions without even one panic feeling. What is weird though is that my thoughts still try to do the same things saying:- get out quick, you need to get to a safe place, but because I am not paying attention to the symptoms it doesn't go anywhere, and I go back to focusing on the shopping. I am utterly amazed and very happy of course.
I haven't tried anything different yet, like places I haven't been in years like going to a restuarant/cafe, the movies, or even somewhere where I can't bring the car and have to walk. I have proof that it is working, but I still don't trust myself - how totally conditioned we make ourselves. But I am in no hurry, I would rather take it slowly and build up the confidence, than dive in too deep and find I can't swim. It has taken years to get this bad, I don't expect any miracle cures that will fix it all in one swoop.
I haven't told any of my family about all this yet, I am forever building methods up to them only for them to fail a few weeks down the track. So I am going to keep slowly pushing myself until I am ready to surprise them with something. Not sure what yet, but I imagine it would be something like showing up for a weekend lunch at at a cafe.
January 15, 2010
Gallstones Update
It is nearly a month since I last posted, I promised myself I was going to be more regular after moving to blogspot! I came on to write a post and ended up spending a couple of hours reading everyone else's new posts, now I'm all blogged out :)
I had a lovely time over Christmas with all the family, though healthwise it was a disaster. After not being able to eat after the gallbladder attack before Christmas I took myself to the doc's, had to see my docs offsider, and he wrongly diagnosed me with a bowel obstruction and not to eat anything till it cleared. So having trust in the medico I survived only on water for 2 weeks!! and everything the chemist could suggest to help things along, I was still not hungry so that was not an issue and I felt great, but the worry of what it was doing to my body was raising my anxiety levels.
Had to wait till January 4 to see my doc as everything was closed down for the holidays, by this time hypochondria had starting setting in and I was dying with all sorts of illnesses. He was very angry to say the least, it was my gall stones that had caused the attack like I originally thought, so back on food again, but even now I am still eating very limited, don't really feel hungry but make myself have 4-5 snacks through the day. Had to have another ultra sound, my one gallstone has now multiplied into 2 large ones and one small one, will have more tests in February then it will be surgery to have it removed.
I never wanted to have it removed, as I believe it is needed for the body to function well, but after the last attack I can't wait to have it taken out, never want to go through that pain again, give me childbirth any day!
I had a lovely time over Christmas with all the family, though healthwise it was a disaster. After not being able to eat after the gallbladder attack before Christmas I took myself to the doc's, had to see my docs offsider, and he wrongly diagnosed me with a bowel obstruction and not to eat anything till it cleared. So having trust in the medico I survived only on water for 2 weeks!! and everything the chemist could suggest to help things along, I was still not hungry so that was not an issue and I felt great, but the worry of what it was doing to my body was raising my anxiety levels.
Had to wait till January 4 to see my doc as everything was closed down for the holidays, by this time hypochondria had starting setting in and I was dying with all sorts of illnesses. He was very angry to say the least, it was my gall stones that had caused the attack like I originally thought, so back on food again, but even now I am still eating very limited, don't really feel hungry but make myself have 4-5 snacks through the day. Had to have another ultra sound, my one gallstone has now multiplied into 2 large ones and one small one, will have more tests in February then it will be surgery to have it removed.
I never wanted to have it removed, as I believe it is needed for the body to function well, but after the last attack I can't wait to have it taken out, never want to go through that pain again, give me childbirth any day!
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