Medication Change

I saw the doctor a couple of weeks ago and he decided that we should up my medication from 10mg to 20mg. I have been doing really well lately, no panic attacks at all, but still haven't been able to go to social events or shopping centres. So he thinks that by upping the dose it will move me forward, lets hope so...

So on Saturday I was at work, happily doing my bit, then all of a sudden my whole upper body was tingling full on, even my tongue! Of course this made me panic and I was a total mess, I tried all my strategies for overcoming the panic, but nothing worked. Which of course made the panic even worse as I figured there must be something really really wrong. I ended up leaving work, phoned my sister to talk to me and try help calm me down, came home to bed and stayed there till Sunday lunchtime, the whole time this tingling was there.

By late Sunday it had eased a lot but was still over my face and mouth and tongue. I had done some research on Saturday on the side affects of raising the dosage and found that this could be a side affect which calmed me somewhat to know that it was normal.

Monday I went to the docs just to check that everything was ok, he said that it was only a 'mild' side affect.... didn't feel to mild to me at the time hehe. I went back to work on Tuesday and everything went well but found by late last night it was getting worse, due to being tired I imagine. This morning it was almost all gone and by lunchtime I could not feel a thing, but now a bit has come back around my mouth.... must be getting tired... I'll be glad when the first two weeks are up and I can hopefully start to see if it is going to make a noticeable difference.

Steadily Moving Forward

Life has been going pretty well over the last few months. I am still following the Panic Away program and have been able to stop talking to my amygdala!

Most of the self talk is automatic now and I do smile at myself when I catch myself, that I have been able to turn the self talk around from negative to positive in such a short space of time after suffering for so many years.

I have been able to go office buildings and catch elevators, I do get a bit of the prickly feeling but am able to stop it going any further and calm myself down fairly quickly. I did go into a supermarket in a small centre at closing time – no people around and went down a couple of aisles with my daughter – that was a huge step as shopping centres have been my biggest hurdle. I haven’t worked my way up to a large shopping centre or restaurants yet, but I think that is my own fear rather than believing I would not be able to cope.

I did go to a family birthday party in a hall where I had set up an escape plan so as not to look totally mad hehe, and didn’t end having to use it. I had such a great time and my family is still talking about me mingling and laughing.

Just secretly, I have come to the conclusion that I am a tad worried about getting 100% better as there will be more expected of me, I have become so accustomed to my quiet lifestyle; another challenge to overcome :)

Timely Psych Visit

Had my monthly psych visit today which I always look forward to, as it gives me my boost to move forward.

Before I get to my visit, I want to give a bit of background to my psych and why I like her. You can't just see any psych and get better, it needs to be someone that you click with.

We chat about so many different things so we don't always stay on target, I really like her attitude about our sessions, that where ever we end up is where we need to be, as we are still tackling the agoraphobia in one way or another, she is so adaptable and I really enjoy that aspect. She has differing views from other psychs that I have seen that want to make you into a totally well rounded person, she believes that you don't need to become 100% better in the eyes of others to be mentally healthy. I have always had an issue with being able to do everything - as I have no interest in that, for example - I am a hermit at heart and enjoy my own company, so I will never be or want to be a social butterfly.

Her take on getting better is: If it doesn't have a negative affect on other people, it doesn't matter what you choose to do or not to do, but the big thing is that it is a choice, and not controlled by the agoraphobia/anxiety. Eg, if you don't shower, other people will be affected by the odour. If you don't go to luncheons, it really doesn't affect anyone, they may not like it but it, but you need to be accepted for who you are.

We have talked a lot about CBT and how I felt it helped me a lot in getting through my anxieties, but how the breathing always made me hyperventilate and just spiralled the panic to a point of no return. I had learnt the breathing technique of breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4.

So she taught me her technique which I will be forever grateful for, it has made such a huge difference in me managing my anxieties. Take a slow deep breath in, then breathe out slowly counting to ten slowly and relaxed, then never worry about breathing in, as that is an automatic body function. So now I just focus on breathing out slowly to the count of ten. This has reduced my anxiety ten fold and was one of those light bulb moments that will always be remembered. I have not had a full blown panic attack since starting this technique.


Now to today's visit, I talked about moving my blog and scanning through the old posts, and realising where I am today compared to my first post.
And how last week I made it into the shop which was one of the first places that I avoided due to the panic attacks, I have been able to get into other small shops, but that was a hard one to face. I went in with goal of getting one item, but got four, and went down two aisles.

So we discussed that now that I am able to meet my needs eg. buying food, (I'm still not able to go to shopping centres, but since I hate shopping at the best of times, that isn't really a big issue for me) we are going to look at getting into office building etc. There are a few things I need to do, educational and medical, that I am not able to do until I can get into office buildings and attend meetings and appointments. Its not so much what I need to do, but more the waiting and giving my brain time to go off on one of its tangents - which usually ends up in a panic attac. Also its that I am not able to go anywhere where I am not able to park right outside the door, and pop and in and out without much hassle. So stairs lifts, parking bays too far away decide where I go and don't go.

So over the xmas break I am just going to keep going with what I have been doing.

2008 - The Short Version

Gosh its been hard to think of whats been happening in the past year, I can barely remember what I did yesterday

I finished up at the night shift job as they were cutting down on staff, and then I went back working in Aged Care in a Nursing Home. It was very hard there having to speak with staff every day and find something interesting to talk about - since I do nothing! But I loved the work. After 6 weeks I started being nauseous every day (not from anxiety) and had to leave. But of course these symptoms made my body think I was having regular panic attacks again, and I went down hill very quickly.

I went for tests and found out that I had gall stones, but my doctor thought it was something else causing the nausea and pain so he wanted me to have an endoscopy to check for gastric reflux. But I couldn’t make it in to have the test, after being housebound again for 4 months I finally got the courage up to go in. There was no major damage there, so now I have to go in for further tests on my gallstones - in a much bigger hospital - so not sure how that is going to work, the appointment is on March 26.

I have found another job in Aged Care working part time in the community assisting the elderly at home with personal care, I am managing this fine, as there is no building I’m stuck in all day, just driving to each persons home and assisting for up to an hour, then back in my car - My Refuge Have been there for 2 months now, and still going strong.

I still can’t get into shops, offices etc but found last week a home delivery service for food shopping which is great (actually probably not great, as it is just using my great avoidance skills even more) but haven’t been into other shops for the whole year besides a small church food shop, local butcher and greengrocer that are not in a shopping centre, and these only on a good day.

Being a hermit at the best of times probably doesn’t help matters either, as I do not have any great inner urgency to get out into the big wide world.

Overall I feel much better now that I am working again, at least it gets me out of the house for a few hours each weekday. The rest of the time I pretty much do next to nothing. Actually that is not totally true, I have been recording free audio books for a site called “Librivox” and that has been great. They only record books in the public domain, so have taken part in some great golden oldies

I don’t want to bore you too much with my non activity over these months, so I will leave it here for now.

Its great to back online

Ruby

1. SARAH on February 26th, 2009 12:49 am

   I am SOOOOO happy you’re back

   x

2. coffeecup on February 26th, 2009 10:06 am

   Fabulous that you’re back!!! You were truly missed. We do worry what happens when folks stop writing, but to find you returned in such good spirits Ruby, is wonderful.
   

3. Ruby on February 26th, 2009 10:39 am

   Thanks guys

   Its great to be welcomed back so nicely. I’m really glad to be back.

Allergies Have Played Havoc This Week

Well I have been getting a little bit better this week in that I have been into the corner store to grab a couple of things by myself, and even went into the post office to pick up a parcel I was waiting for, though I waited in the car till I could see there was no line there.
But I have been feeling really depressed this week, and the only thing I can put it down to is that I have gone backwards and I feel like I don’t have the energy to fight again

Even though I work at night, on my own, some of the day staff eat spicy lunches with msg in them. I had to leave work early on Tuesday and Wednesday night due the smell still being in the building. My supervisor has sent around another email to everyone to ask them to please be aware and to throw any left overs and the containers in the outside bin, which I really appreciate the support, but it is hard for people to understand unusual allergies and realise the seriousness of them, so I will see how we go with that one, I hope I am not forced to leave another job.

I was just sitting preparing myself to head off to work, and was feeling pretty confident and anxiety free about the drive in to work, when my son came home with a friend that I don’t know really well, and now I am feeling really anxious just because they were here for all of 2 minutes on their way out, I hate the way it just grips us like that.

Well I’d better head of or I will be late in, here is hoping that the smell is gone out of the building, as my work is really building up with leaving early the last two nights.

Allergies & Panic Attacks

I mentioned in my last post that I have been having more panic attacks again. I have a theory, but who knows, everytime I think I know this illness something else comes along.

I have allergies to hot spices, msg and strong aromas, I have had this for about 10 years now. I don’t even have to eat these things, just smelling them sends me off. I have had to leave two jobs in the past where people ate spicy foods. The symptoms are that my mind goes totally blank and I gather any sort of thought, I get ‘prickly feeling’ skin from head to toe and in some cases I have to find a toilet immediately. The symptoms last for 4-8 hours depending on the severity, but find that it takes at least 24hrs to feel better.

But when I am having panic attacks as well, this allergy sets of a panic attack as some of the symptoms are very similar, and my nerves stay fragile for up to a week and make me more prone to panic attacks during this time.

I had been going really well for over a month and was really proud of myself for having moved forward so much, then two Saturdays ago a neighbour was smoking dope in his backyard, and I got an allergy attack, the worse one I have had in over 5 years, it go so bad that I ended up going to the hospital cause I thought my tounge was swelling up, and of course this sparked a severe panic attack as well so I was suffering a double whammy.

Once the hospital found out that I suffered with panic attacks, they didn’t take the allergy seriously. Which was no surprise to me, as I find hospitals never take mental health as a serious issue. Anyway they gave me something to subside the symptoms and sent me on my way.

I believe that because I had such a bad allergy attack my nerves are frazzled and I haven’t been able to go into a shop, post office etc since without having a major panic attack. I am fine at home and at work so that makes me think that the allergy caused it.

But regardless of where the panic attacks are coming from I can’t logically explain them away that way to myself, so I am trying to push myself a bit more each week to get back on top of things, but it is such a backward step after having started enjoying shopping after 18 months.
But many times I drive up to the shops and as I start getting out of the car I realise that I can’t go any further and go back home.

So thats where I am up to at the moment, I am trying to think positive, but its so hard at times.

Ruby

1. Coffeecup on November 22nd, 2007 5:18 am

   Ruby the things that you have achieved so far are phenominal. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having a little set back (me too!). It does seem as though with this alergy that your brain automatically goes into panic mode if the symptoms are similar. Tomorrow is another day as they say. I do know how it feels to go ‘backwards’ when you think you have conquered something, but please try and remember the bigger picture and the overall progress, and don’t be too upset if you’re just not feeling capable at present. I really think this journey to wellness is such a roller coaster ride, that there will be downs, as well as ups to get to the end of it. I just wanted to send my empathy really, you sound exactly as I feel too at the moment, trying hard but being disappointed. I do hope it passes soon X

2. Ruby on November 22nd, 2007 7:54 am

   Thanx for your nice supportive comments Coffeecup
   Yes I agree with you about the spices, that it triggers a panic attack because I am so used to any mental variations being a panic attack.
   Going backwards is never nice, I swap between being positive, seeing the bigger picture and wanting to crawl further into my self made cave. I am so glad that I enjoy my work or I would probably find a reason not go there either, even though I don’t work with people face to face (I couldn’t handle a busy office at the moment) I keep busy all night with their international customers via phone & email and I don’t have to get involved in the daytime office politics.

   As terrible as setbacks are, it does make us stronger to face the next pitfall. I think your setback when your partner left must’ve been hell, when trying to deal with all the daily events of panic attacks…. you are doing great!!!

   It certainly helps with all the support we get blogging and the chance to voice our emotions to people who understand, and want to listen.

   Ruby

3. Robert on November 22nd, 2007 8:08 pm

   I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’re just experiencing a temporary blip. The fact that you’re still working is very encouraging, so I’m hopeful that other things will fall into place in due course.

   Many agoraphobia sufferers have described how their capabilities fluctuate from day to day (Marie is no exception). No one seems to have an explanation.

   I have allergies too. I get hay fever symptoms from time to time. Because I’m not allergic all he time, I don’t take anti-histamine tablets regularly. Do anti-histamines help you? There’s no obvious connections between attacks - with one exception - I’m more prone to them when sleep-deprived. Does this have any effect on you?

   Apart from my ongoing experiences with Marie, one of my daughters (Jenna) was being treated for acute depression as well as panic/anxiety and all the problems associated with irritable bowel syndrome. Waiting for appointments in the British national health service is a constant problem, but this aside, both Jenna and Marie have always been treated very well by all health care professionals. (The one exceptions was an unwarranted outburst about Marie by a former family doctor.)

   Btw, Jenna’s problems have been almost completely eradicated - although I’m aware that they could return at any time.

   Best wishes

4. Ruby on November 24th, 2007 8:00 am

   Hi Robert
   Yes I hope its just temporaty as well, it really stings when you have a hard setback, but my poor son keeps coming with me to the shops, sometimes I have to leave and get him to go through the checkout, and other times I’m fine. I cope much better if I can park right outside the shop as opposed to going into a shopping centre, I hate shopping centres.
   But even aside from this setback my abilites change from day to day as well, it makes it very hard to plan things, just have to take each day as it comes.

   As for the allergies it doesn’t seem that other things affect them if there are strong spices around I get affected regardless of how I am feeling.

   I’m glad you have had positive visits with the medical professionals, I find GP’s are good but its hospitals that have the problem from my experience.

   I am so glad that Jenna is feeling better, thats great news.

   The national medical health system here is terrible too, I had to wait over 6 months to get in, which just shows how badly mental health issues is affecting the public, its such a shame.

   Ruby

5. Miss Vertigo on November 29th, 2007 5:38 pm

   Hi,

   New reader saying hello here, with PAs, anxiety, agora, and I just had to comment on this one.

   What is it about having a mental health issue on your records that deems you a timewaster in an A&E department? Don’t you just want to scream at them - “Not everything in my life is caused by my anxiety!!” ?

   This has happened to me on so many occasions it’s not even funny any more - the most notable being the double pneumonia that they dismissed as a panic attack because I made the stupid error of telling them I was having difficulty breathing. It took 41 degrees of mercury and some yakking up of blood for them to take me seriously… after which they hospitalised me for four days. That was a good one

   It’s a big problem for us - I wish I had the answer.

   Take care

   MV

6. Ruby on November 29th, 2007 8:57 pm

   Hi MV
   I am glad you popped in and left a comment.

   You poor thing, I know how you feel, it gets to the point that we have to hide our anxiety to even get taken seriously, I am glad to hear that they finally treated you for the right thing.

   Unfortunately I can’t see an answer either, they just wipe us off anxiety ridden hyprochondiacs.

   They took me seriously till they found out that I suffered panic attacks, the fact that I had suffered allergies for 8 years just didn’t matter any more, and they told me go as they needed the bed. Then they wrote a letter to my doctor saying the visit was just due to anxiety, which them made him doubt me, I am still not sure if he really believes me.

   You have a great blog I will be reading more of it.

   Ruby

7. coffeecup on December 4th, 2007 9:47 am

   I am so angered by the appalling treatment that I have read about here! When my panics first started I was taken to A&E by ambulance and left in my smart work suit on the floor of the waiting room with people stepping over me until a friend rescued me and grabbed a nurse. Everyone deserves fair and caring attention regardless of the reason for being there, and ‘just a panic’ as you well know, can be horrifically frightening. Ironically I used to be one of those people who dragged themselves into work with the flu, and when I know I’m really ill I’m tough. Symptoms of anxiety are a different league altogther, and I think they bring in an element of continual fatigue and depression that makes them harder to fight?

8. Ruby on December 5th, 2007 4:11 am

   I agree, its terrible treatment, and so much harder to take when you can’t think rationally or fight back.
   We had a incident here at a metropolitan hospital where a lady had a miscarriage in the hospital toilets cause no one would take her seriously and get a doctor to see her. Its right across the board unfortunately.

9. coffeecup on December 8th, 2007 1:12 am

   Oh my word!

Good Deed

A neighbour came and asked if I could drive her to the hospital last night as she had injured her arm, it turned out she had cracked her funny bone, OUCH. I did think of declining but thought that would be a bit rude, she knows that I don’t like people so she must’ve been desperate to come ask me in the first place hehehe.

I drove her there and went and visited my x in-laws as there was no way I was going to stay in the hospital (good old avoidance techniques), and they live just around the corner which I was very grateful for, and picked her up when she was finished.

Only my x mother in-law was at home and we had a great catch up, and she even offered to catch the bus and meet me halfway somewhere for a coffee to help me get out a bit. It brought tears to my eyes that she would do that for me, as there aren’t many people who offer to have a potentially ruined outing, even more so since I divorced her son. I’m going to call her next week to organise when we will meet up.

Psych Visit

On Tuesday I was supposed to go see the psych again. We have changed our visits to fortnightly now that she has taught me all the skills to get me through my anxiety and avoidance.

I was looking forward to going as I felt that I needed to see her to get my pep talk, especially after leaving my job. I got as far as the bus stop and that was the end of it for me, the thought of having to catch four buses and just a couple of hours overwhelmed me way too much. So I walked back home and called her at my appointment time and we just talked over the phone for half an hour. I was glad that I was still able to talk to her, but disappointed that I couldn’t get to see her.

She says that I am going very well (in the scheme of things) and that I have got a lot further than we thought I would by now. I am putting in place all the skills to get me through some of my difficult situations though the anxiety gets the better of me at times, but it’s such a nice feeling to know that I can do some things now and the rest will hopefully follow suit over time. Its nice to have someone barracking for you, it gives you that extra bit of confidence.

We have made another appointment for 3 weeks time, and it’s my task to practice the bus more until then, so I can actually get there.

I haven’t had any reason to get on a bus as yet, and I know that I should just catch it anyway, but I hate doing something if there is no reason for it, like doing a round trip on a bus going nowhere when I know its going to cause anxiety and panic.

Suppose that its something I have to force myself to do, otherwise its just more avoidance, but that will be easier said than done.

Psych Visit - Childhood Beliefs

My visit at the psych this week pretty much carried on from last week. We discussed further how I had gone with becoming aware of my fear thoughts and how I can go about changing them. Basically it is going to be a long term goal, but awareness is the first step.
We also discussed that avoidance behaviour that served me well as a child and teenager, When I need to protect myself from my step father and stay out of the way of people who would tease my because of my home life, and that’s where my avoidance and agoraphobia began. But now they don’t serve a purpose in my life and that I need to use CBT to challenge those thoughts, and replace them with thoughts that serve my life now and we will go into this further next week.
The third thing we discussed was finding the reason I wore a different hat at work, and felt that I was a fraud there. We worked out that it wasn’t that I was a fraud, but that I had such a horrible home life, that when at work I pretended that I was “normal” and when I was in my home environment I thought that was my normal self. Because I was living two different lives with two different personalities I felt like one them was a fraud, but maybe it was my home personality that was a fraud and the work one normal.
Since then I have always felt a fraud in work situations, even though I have always been very competent and confident in my work roles. I now have to change this thought process around and that I can be the same person at home as what I am at work, I do not need to come home and feel insecure and not capable.
I thought I had worked through all my childhood demons….how wrong I was…I am so glad that the psych has worked around to this so I can challenge these thoughts.
I will see her again next week, then we are going to change to fortnightly visits so that I have time to work longer on each task.
Ruby

1. Ruby on July 7th, 2007 10:56 pm
   
   I suppose that one thing with having left work, it hasn’t made me incompetent or blaming myself and it definitely has not carried through to my home life. I am glad that I am so aware of these thoughts now that I can place or leave them where they belong.
   
   
   

Psychologist Visit - Fears & Beliefs

I am a bit behind on writing about the visit, firstly because of working and I haven’t got into a proper routine yet. Secondly because I needed some time to think it through first and decide how to tackle it, I have only come up with a starting solution for #1, and nothing for the rest, as I am so stuck in this thinking and will take a while to challenge to them…not a week task.
I was given a list of things that I had to think about, and how I would put them into action.

1. Consolidating achievements from work to home life
2. Are my fear thoughts realistic and how can I change them (and believe them)
3. How would I put point 2 into practice
4. The impact it would have to have alternative thoughts

This is what I have/n’t come up with so far:

1. Consolidating achievements from work to home life:
I have always separated my two lives, I have a work “hat” and a home “hat” (and never the twain shall meet). I think most people do this but I do it to a fault. At work I never second guess what I need/have to do, I don’t think about what people may think about me as I feel very confident in my work role. At home I second guess everything, think about the panic/anxiety consequences of every task, am always concerned that people will think that I am loop de loop (crazy). I haven’t attempted any changes in thought through the week as I don’t feel I have the time with work. But yesterday I tried to carry the same confidence at home as I did at work through the week, and amazingly I got a lot more chores and tasks done so that proves to some point I suppose that it works. The next step is to try it when I have go on the other side of the front door… Today I want to walk up to the corner IGA (small supermarket), but this depends on the weather as it rained all day yesterday. If the rain holds off I will attempt to do it with my “work confidence” and see if I can consolidate the two life’s to some degree.
2. Are my fear thoughts realistic and how can I challenge them (and believe them):
My main fear thought (besides those that come with a panic attack) is: what will people think? This thought came from my mother who was always saying: what will people think? When we were outdoors, in public and social settings. Firstly - do people even give a think about me? I have some proof that they do, but mostly people are too busy with their own lives to worry or care about mine. I am a people watcher and like to see how people tick and go through their lives, not for gossip purposes, I just find it interesting, so I assume others do the same, but for bad intent. Secondly - does it matter if they do? Yes, it does to me. I don’t want them to have misconstrued ideas about me that I cannot challenge. This is going to be a hard one for me!! Thirdly - does it matter if they pass on their thoughts through the gossip channels? Definitely, that will be even harder to challenge as people take gossip for fact
3. How would I put point 2 into practice
By challenging and changing the thought, which as yet I have no answer to, this thought has been ingrained in me since the beginning of time, it will be a hard one. Firstly I think I need to write down each fear on paper and then try to negate them till I come up with a thought to replace it with.
4. The impact it would have to have alternative thoughts
This one is easy, it would mean that I could do whatever I wanted to without this thought stopping me short….freedom.

I will keep adding comments to this post as I come up with more solutions and changes.
Ruby
Jethro on March 16th, 2008 11:13 pm
Hey Ruby,
I know it’s a bit late but I’ve currently stumbled upon your blog and real glad I did. It’s hard finding people going through the same phases in life as myself who’re willing to talk about it.
What impresses me is the fact that everything in this post pinpoints exactly what I do too/think about. I watch other people pan out their own lives because I find it interesting. One of my past doctors told me it was an attribute associated with chronic boredom which didn’t help me at all.
I’m glad that there are people out there who I can relate too even in times like this. I’ve only started reading your progress now but it is inspiring. By the time I get to the present date I hope everything has worked out for you.

Mothers Day

It was a great day today, first time I have had both the kids around at the same time on Mothers Day. I watched footy (which I hate) and got to listen to Rory’s heavy metal music (which I also hate…lol) and then the kids went to a footy game, and for the best part, I got left with Chloe and her boyfriends washing to do but I wasn’t bothered, I had a great day.
I had a bit of a panic attack the other night, I was driving to Chloe’s place on Friday night and freaked about having to walk through the foyer to the elevator. I knew I should have used the breathing skills I have been learning, but instead I called her to come and meet me downstairs and I felt more comfortable. Though I have been using the breathing skills and I do find them helpful, but haven’t mastered to use them once a panic attack has set in, only to help prevent the onset.
I have finally finished sorting all the photos, 45 years of pics in one week it was a bit of a emotional roller-coaster ride, but it was also a huge overview of the great life I have had.
We forget about so many of the marvellous moments we have and sometimes only focus on negative, so from today I am going to try very hard to focus on the best of each day.
I applied for a heap of jobs online last night when I couldn’t sleep. It was mainly for a practice run and to see how employers take on that someone has stayed at home for a year, of course I didn’t specify why. Will wait and see if I get any replies. I do need to try to get a part time job, I have lived on Centrelink payments for a year now, and I am tired of being so broke all the time.
It’s hectic Monday again tomorrow. visit the psych and then onto the GROW meeting, then I have to pick up Chloe from work.
Thanks for your comment on the previous post T, I totally agree, there isn’t enough understanding or knowledge on mental health issues and that is part of the reason I am doing this blog, to hopefully help and/or educate others through my journey.

1. Robert on May 15th, 2007 9:57 am
   
   
   Hi Ruby -
   You’re right about the importance of focussing on the good things in your life. Here’s a suggestion you may find helpful (I got this from a NLP guru and I found it useful)…
   Get a pack of fluorescent card stars (or make your own). Attach one to a wall in each of the rooms in your home. Each time you see one, recall a happy time in your life and smile. After a while, you will have trained your head to do this regularly and you don’t need the stars any more.
   Robert
   
   
   
   
2. Ruby on May 15th, 2007 3:21 pm
   
   
   Hi Robert
   That is great idea, we spend so much time focusing on the negatives and not nearly enough on the positives.
   Please explain what NLP is, I have not heard of that before?
   Ruby
   
   
   
   
3. KonstantinMiller on July 7th, 2009 9:33 am
   
   
   I have been looking looking around for this kind of information. Will you post some more in future? I’ll be grateful if you will.
   
   
   
   

Changing Medication

Wow, how time flies when changing medication and going through some withdrawals, can’t believe it’s Friday already.
Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty much wasted days dealing with some withdrawals with funny brain feelings and a bit wobbly on my feet. I have tried explaining the ‘brain feeling’ to family, but it just makes them really confused. I am sure there is a technical term for it, but what it feels like for me is that someone is rubbing a dry sponge over my brain…..not a comforting feeling I can tell you. But I am looking forward to this medication working and lifting the black cloud and anxiety that has been there for way too long now.
Rory hasn’t noticed anything different as he is in his own teenage world of friends, parties and MySpace, which has saved me explaining the ’sponge’ he has had friends around Wed, Thur and this afternoon, but is staying out for the night tonight so that has been nice not too listen to their music though I do enjoy joining in some of their conversations from time to time when I am not feeling too anxious to go and join them. Rory has told them about my agoraphobia in his own understanding so at least they don’t just think I’m rude…lol.
I have started to read through the GROW handbook and there are a lot of confronting things in there, which I take to mean that they are things that need to be worked on. It looks like a good program and I’m looking forward to my second class on Monday.
Chloe is back in town for work for a month so she has taken back her car that I have been using for my major outings of driving 1km twice a week to check my PO Box and to attend my appointments on a Monday. I will still be able to use the car on Mondays which is a blessing as I can’t venture out anywhere without a car. This is the time that I should be seeing as a blessing in disguise and start trying to walk up to the shops, but that is a really scary thought and don’t know if that will be achievable yet, I really want to try, but after a year of not leaving the house…….. I can’t even walk out the front of my townhouse block to get my mail or bring the bins in without freezing at the door. I get Rory to bring in the bins and I check the mail when I am driving out. Maybe my need for regular chocolate fixes will force me up to the shops.
I made a dog kennel today from scratch, that was fun, and didn’t turn out anywhere near what I had planned, but now my Shitzu X will have somewhere dry to sit when she wants to look around at the world in bad weather.