We also discussed that avoidance behaviour that served me well as a child and teenager, When I need to protect myself from my step father and stay out of the way of people who would tease my because of my home life, and that’s where my avoidance and agoraphobia began. But now they don’t serve a purpose in my life and that I need to use CBT to challenge those thoughts, and replace them with thoughts that serve my life now and we will go into this further next week.
The third thing we discussed was finding the reason I wore a different hat at work, and felt that I was a fraud there. We worked out that it wasn’t that I was a fraud, but that I had such a horrible home life, that when at work I pretended that I was “normal” and when I was in my home environment I thought that was my normal self. Because I was living two different lives with two different personalities I felt like one them was a fraud, but maybe it was my home personality that was a fraud and the work one normal.
Since then I have always felt a fraud in work situations, even though I have always been very competent and confident in my work roles. I now have to change this thought process around and that I can be the same person at home as what I am at work, I do not need to come home and feel insecure and not capable.
I thought I had worked through all my childhood demons….how wrong I was…I am so glad that the psych has worked around to this so I can challenge these thoughts.
I will see her again next week, then we are going to change to fortnightly visits so that I have time to work longer on each task.
Ruby
One Response to “Psych Visit - Childhood Beliefs”
- Ruby on July 7th, 2007 10:56 pm I suppose that one thing with having left work, it hasn’t made me incompetent or blaming myself and it definitely has not carried through to my home life. I am glad that I am so aware of these thoughts now that I can place or leave them where they belong.
