I was looking forward to going as I felt that I needed to see her to get my pep talk, especially after leaving my job. I got as far as the bus stop and that was the end of it for me, the thought of having to catch four buses and just a couple of hours overwhelmed me way too much. So I walked back home and called her at my appointment time and we just talked over the phone for half an hour. I was glad that I was still able to talk to her, but disappointed that I couldn’t get to see her.
She says that I am going very well (in the scheme of things) and that I have got a lot further than we thought I would by now. I am putting in place all the skills to get me through some of my difficult situations though the anxiety gets the better of me at times, but it’s such a nice feeling to know that I can do some things now and the rest will hopefully follow suit over time. Its nice to have someone barracking for you, it gives you that extra bit of confidence.
We have made another appointment for 3 weeks time, and it’s my task to practice the bus more until then, so I can actually get there.
I haven’t had any reason to get on a bus as yet, and I know that I should just catch it anyway, but I hate doing something if there is no reason for it, like doing a round trip on a bus going nowhere when I know its going to cause anxiety and panic.
Suppose that its something I have to force myself to do, otherwise its just more avoidance, but that will be easier said than done.
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