Allergies Have Played Havoc This Week

Well I have been getting a little bit better this week in that I have been into the corner store to grab a couple of things by myself, and even went into the post office to pick up a parcel I was waiting for, though I waited in the car till I could see there was no line there.
But I have been feeling really depressed this week, and the only thing I can put it down to is that I have gone backwards and I feel like I don’t have the energy to fight again

Even though I work at night, on my own, some of the day staff eat spicy lunches with msg in them. I had to leave work early on Tuesday and Wednesday night due the smell still being in the building. My supervisor has sent around another email to everyone to ask them to please be aware and to throw any left overs and the containers in the outside bin, which I really appreciate the support, but it is hard for people to understand unusual allergies and realise the seriousness of them, so I will see how we go with that one, I hope I am not forced to leave another job.

I was just sitting preparing myself to head off to work, and was feeling pretty confident and anxiety free about the drive in to work, when my son came home with a friend that I don’t know really well, and now I am feeling really anxious just because they were here for all of 2 minutes on their way out, I hate the way it just grips us like that.

Well I’d better head of or I will be late in, here is hoping that the smell is gone out of the building, as my work is really building up with leaving early the last two nights.

Allergies & Panic Attacks

I mentioned in my last post that I have been having more panic attacks again. I have a theory, but who knows, everytime I think I know this illness something else comes along.

I have allergies to hot spices, msg and strong aromas, I have had this for about 10 years now. I don’t even have to eat these things, just smelling them sends me off. I have had to leave two jobs in the past where people ate spicy foods. The symptoms are that my mind goes totally blank and I gather any sort of thought, I get ‘prickly feeling’ skin from head to toe and in some cases I have to find a toilet immediately. The symptoms last for 4-8 hours depending on the severity, but find that it takes at least 24hrs to feel better.

But when I am having panic attacks as well, this allergy sets of a panic attack as some of the symptoms are very similar, and my nerves stay fragile for up to a week and make me more prone to panic attacks during this time.

I had been going really well for over a month and was really proud of myself for having moved forward so much, then two Saturdays ago a neighbour was smoking dope in his backyard, and I got an allergy attack, the worse one I have had in over 5 years, it go so bad that I ended up going to the hospital cause I thought my tounge was swelling up, and of course this sparked a severe panic attack as well so I was suffering a double whammy.

Once the hospital found out that I suffered with panic attacks, they didn’t take the allergy seriously. Which was no surprise to me, as I find hospitals never take mental health as a serious issue. Anyway they gave me something to subside the symptoms and sent me on my way.

I believe that because I had such a bad allergy attack my nerves are frazzled and I haven’t been able to go into a shop, post office etc since without having a major panic attack. I am fine at home and at work so that makes me think that the allergy caused it.

But regardless of where the panic attacks are coming from I can’t logically explain them away that way to myself, so I am trying to push myself a bit more each week to get back on top of things, but it is such a backward step after having started enjoying shopping after 18 months.
But many times I drive up to the shops and as I start getting out of the car I realise that I can’t go any further and go back home.

So thats where I am up to at the moment, I am trying to think positive, but its so hard at times.

Ruby

1. Coffeecup on November 22nd, 2007 5:18 am

   Ruby the things that you have achieved so far are phenominal. I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having a little set back (me too!). It does seem as though with this alergy that your brain automatically goes into panic mode if the symptoms are similar. Tomorrow is another day as they say. I do know how it feels to go ‘backwards’ when you think you have conquered something, but please try and remember the bigger picture and the overall progress, and don’t be too upset if you’re just not feeling capable at present. I really think this journey to wellness is such a roller coaster ride, that there will be downs, as well as ups to get to the end of it. I just wanted to send my empathy really, you sound exactly as I feel too at the moment, trying hard but being disappointed. I do hope it passes soon X

2. Ruby on November 22nd, 2007 7:54 am

   Thanx for your nice supportive comments Coffeecup
   Yes I agree with you about the spices, that it triggers a panic attack because I am so used to any mental variations being a panic attack.
   Going backwards is never nice, I swap between being positive, seeing the bigger picture and wanting to crawl further into my self made cave. I am so glad that I enjoy my work or I would probably find a reason not go there either, even though I don’t work with people face to face (I couldn’t handle a busy office at the moment) I keep busy all night with their international customers via phone & email and I don’t have to get involved in the daytime office politics.

   As terrible as setbacks are, it does make us stronger to face the next pitfall. I think your setback when your partner left must’ve been hell, when trying to deal with all the daily events of panic attacks…. you are doing great!!!

   It certainly helps with all the support we get blogging and the chance to voice our emotions to people who understand, and want to listen.

   Ruby

3. Robert on November 22nd, 2007 8:08 pm

   I’m keeping my fingers crossed that you’re just experiencing a temporary blip. The fact that you’re still working is very encouraging, so I’m hopeful that other things will fall into place in due course.

   Many agoraphobia sufferers have described how their capabilities fluctuate from day to day (Marie is no exception). No one seems to have an explanation.

   I have allergies too. I get hay fever symptoms from time to time. Because I’m not allergic all he time, I don’t take anti-histamine tablets regularly. Do anti-histamines help you? There’s no obvious connections between attacks - with one exception - I’m more prone to them when sleep-deprived. Does this have any effect on you?

   Apart from my ongoing experiences with Marie, one of my daughters (Jenna) was being treated for acute depression as well as panic/anxiety and all the problems associated with irritable bowel syndrome. Waiting for appointments in the British national health service is a constant problem, but this aside, both Jenna and Marie have always been treated very well by all health care professionals. (The one exceptions was an unwarranted outburst about Marie by a former family doctor.)

   Btw, Jenna’s problems have been almost completely eradicated - although I’m aware that they could return at any time.

   Best wishes

4. Ruby on November 24th, 2007 8:00 am

   Hi Robert
   Yes I hope its just temporaty as well, it really stings when you have a hard setback, but my poor son keeps coming with me to the shops, sometimes I have to leave and get him to go through the checkout, and other times I’m fine. I cope much better if I can park right outside the shop as opposed to going into a shopping centre, I hate shopping centres.
   But even aside from this setback my abilites change from day to day as well, it makes it very hard to plan things, just have to take each day as it comes.

   As for the allergies it doesn’t seem that other things affect them if there are strong spices around I get affected regardless of how I am feeling.

   I’m glad you have had positive visits with the medical professionals, I find GP’s are good but its hospitals that have the problem from my experience.

   I am so glad that Jenna is feeling better, thats great news.

   The national medical health system here is terrible too, I had to wait over 6 months to get in, which just shows how badly mental health issues is affecting the public, its such a shame.

   Ruby

5. Miss Vertigo on November 29th, 2007 5:38 pm

   Hi,

   New reader saying hello here, with PAs, anxiety, agora, and I just had to comment on this one.

   What is it about having a mental health issue on your records that deems you a timewaster in an A&E department? Don’t you just want to scream at them - “Not everything in my life is caused by my anxiety!!” ?

   This has happened to me on so many occasions it’s not even funny any more - the most notable being the double pneumonia that they dismissed as a panic attack because I made the stupid error of telling them I was having difficulty breathing. It took 41 degrees of mercury and some yakking up of blood for them to take me seriously… after which they hospitalised me for four days. That was a good one

   It’s a big problem for us - I wish I had the answer.

   Take care

   MV

6. Ruby on November 29th, 2007 8:57 pm

   Hi MV
   I am glad you popped in and left a comment.

   You poor thing, I know how you feel, it gets to the point that we have to hide our anxiety to even get taken seriously, I am glad to hear that they finally treated you for the right thing.

   Unfortunately I can’t see an answer either, they just wipe us off anxiety ridden hyprochondiacs.

   They took me seriously till they found out that I suffered panic attacks, the fact that I had suffered allergies for 8 years just didn’t matter any more, and they told me go as they needed the bed. Then they wrote a letter to my doctor saying the visit was just due to anxiety, which them made him doubt me, I am still not sure if he really believes me.

   You have a great blog I will be reading more of it.

   Ruby

7. coffeecup on December 4th, 2007 9:47 am

   I am so angered by the appalling treatment that I have read about here! When my panics first started I was taken to A&E by ambulance and left in my smart work suit on the floor of the waiting room with people stepping over me until a friend rescued me and grabbed a nurse. Everyone deserves fair and caring attention regardless of the reason for being there, and ‘just a panic’ as you well know, can be horrifically frightening. Ironically I used to be one of those people who dragged themselves into work with the flu, and when I know I’m really ill I’m tough. Symptoms of anxiety are a different league altogther, and I think they bring in an element of continual fatigue and depression that makes them harder to fight?

8. Ruby on December 5th, 2007 4:11 am

   I agree, its terrible treatment, and so much harder to take when you can’t think rationally or fight back.
   We had a incident here at a metropolitan hospital where a lady had a miscarriage in the hospital toilets cause no one would take her seriously and get a doctor to see her. Its right across the board unfortunately.

9. coffeecup on December 8th, 2007 1:12 am

   Oh my word!

Finally Got Back Here

Its been a busy month trying to get accustomed to working 5 nights a week. When I first started this job I was employed to do 3 night shift per week, the person I would be job sharing with was ill when I started so I offered to cover all 5 shifts till she returned. She has now decided not to return and I said I couldn’t keep doing all shifts, so I have cut it down to 4 shifts till they find another person to job share with.

This week is the first week that I have only done 4 shifts, and I am really glad that I made that decision as I was finding I was spending all weekend recovering and preparing for the next week and was not getting any time to myself.

I started having panic attacks again in the last couple of weeks, which is, I assume, because of working to many night shifts. I still don’t have a regular sleeping pattern but I am now getting enough sleep each day. I wasn’t using my coping skills at first but then started doing relaxation exercises before going to sleep to ensure a sound sleep.

I am still aware that working at nights on my own is not helping me getting back out into the community, so I need to look at doing something on my days off to get some interaction with people, besides my son and his friends.

I only get paid monthly which has been a bit of a culture shock, but it has been nice to get large amounts of money in my bank after being on government payments for over a year. I have repainted my feature walls and bought things that I have wanted for a while, like kitchenware and presents for family.

I will be back more regularly now that I have my work and sleeping pattern worked out.

Ruby

1. Robert on November 15th, 2007 9:10 am

   You have been in my thoughts in the past weeks, Ruby. Your news is a bit of a mixed bag - coping quite well with work, but having some panic attacks again…

   However, your post is quite upbeat, I’m pleased to see.

   Nice to see you post again!

2. Coffeecup on November 17th, 2007 11:20 pm

   Dear Ruby, I am so pleased that you left a comment on ‘My Wife Has Agoraphobia’ as it lead me to your page. How fantastic that you are out there in the work place! I empathise entirely with what you say about getting out into the community. I am really looking forward to reading all your posts and catching up on events.

   Wishing you well and happiness.

3. Ruby on November 21st, 2007 6:53 pm

   Thanks for your thoughts Robert, it so great to have people out there that are thinking of me even with me not having posted for a while. You and Marie are always in my thoughts, with how you are going, and moving forward.

   Nice to meet you Coffeecup :)I’m glad that you posted here, we all have to share together and support each others efforts in getting well. I too will be reading up on your journey. Yes the community!! such a scary move, but baby steps and positive thinking (on some days anyway :)).

   Ruby

4. Robert on November 21st, 2007 8:01 pm

   Yes, you’re always in my thoughts, too, Ruby. And I keep Marie updated on your progress. Somehow, I don’t quite understand it, we feel connected to you and your situation. Thanks for taking an interest in us!

   It’s REALLY important that people know that there IS hope when they feel that there is none, so your blog (and other similar ones) is, imho, very important.

Second Week of Work

My job is going great. I was a bit hard changing my sleeping patterns again after working a week of days and then starting nights straight away. I think I have a routine going now, I stay up till around 10-12am then sleep till around 6-8, so I get a chance to get to the shops, pay bills or make phone calls and get to spend some time with Rory before heading off to work at night.

Things are starting to fall into place with my role at work and I’m starting to feel more confident, which is a good thing as I will be working on my own from Monday. Its a bit scary to know that I wont have anyone to ask if something different comes up (which it will) but I will just have to email them and get the answer the following night.

I haven’t had any issues with agoraphobia or anxiety since I started, which of course I am really pleased with It is much better working nights where I don’t have to deal with people face to face, and I am looking forward to starting on my own. The other great things is that I don’t have to deal with peak hour traffic any more which is always a plus.

1. Robert on October 8th, 2007 7:32 pm

   Ruby, I’m really pleased that things seem to be going well for you.

Sickness Benefit

I got a call today from Centrelink to say that if I wanted to receive any further unemployment/sickness benefit I would have to do another mental health assessment with them.

I am so glad that I have this job now so I don’t have to worry about telling them all the ins and outs of my life any more, and report to them every couple of months with updates from the doctor. I realise that they require all this but it is such an invasion of privacy.

I Have Got a Job

Its been a busy couple of weeks. I had Rory’s 18th and then we went out of town to see Mum and Dad.

I applied for a job last Thursday and they called Friday and asked me start on Monday. It is working the graveyard shifts 11pm - 7am with a engineering training company and I will be doing the administration for their overseas offices, hence the graveyard shifts, because of the time difference.

When I saw it advertised I thought it would be perfect for me since I don’t sleep well through the nights anyway and I will be working on my own so I don’t have to worry about being overwhelmed with other people around all the time. Yes I know this is a type of avoidance :).

This week I have been doing training during the days, and I must say I was surprised how well I handled it. But I didn’t really have time to focus on my feelings as my brain was pretty fried every day with all the information I had to take in. It made it so much harder knowing that I really had to learn it properly within a short time as I wont have anyone to ask once I start on my own. On Monday I do further training on the night shift for another week, and then I am on my own.

So this weekend I am getting my sleeping patterns into gear for my work times and hopefully be prepared for Monday night, I am sure it will take the first week to work out how I will sleep. Not sure if I will sleep straight after I finish work at 7am or stay up till 12 or 1 and then sleep till around 9pm. I’m sure my body will decide which is best for it.

Ruby

1. Robert on October 4th, 2007 7:33 pm

   I was starting to get worried about you - no posts for almost 2 weeks!

   But now you have posted your good news, I’m sooooo relieved.

   Congratulations!

2. Ruby on October 4th, 2007 9:16 pm

   Thank you for your concern Robert, its nice to know someone misses me once I get into more of a routine I should be able to get back to more regular posting again.

Doctor & Psychologist

I have finally found a new doctor after one year of wanting to. It is such a relief to have made that move and to see a doctor who is actually proactive in assisting me in getting better. I have only had the need to see him a couple of times so far but I am very happy with his service.

I saw my psychologist for the last time two weeks ago, because of the mental health back log in Australia I was only to get ten visits but was lucky enough (or sick enough) to get fifteen. It was definitely a great help seeing her for this time, but feel I still have a long way to go before I am back to normal (whatever normal is…).

I am now having problems with social situations since I haven’t been in any for a year and a half now, so I am hoping that practice will heal that one, but I am not jumping in trying to get out there either. I am still happy just staying at home, not because of the agoraphobia but because I have no tolerance for people now. I have rejoined the GROW group on Mondays which was great to get back to again, and I am looking into other social groups that I can go to, but I haven’t found one that interests me yet. Now that I have my own transport I want to attempt to catch up with family again, that all live out of the city. I have lost touch with so many people since all this started this time around, I am in two minds if their friendships were even worth anything in the first place since they haven’t made effort to contact me. I understand that some have their own issues with mental health, and others believe that I need to time to myself to get better, but I believe personally that it is fear that keeps people away as they don’t really understand what agoraphobia means.

My sleeping pattern is getting a bit better, I am generally sleeping between 5-6 hours a night, but because I need a good 8-9 hours to feel human, I am still having a nanna nap in the afternoons, but at least there is some sort of routine now rather than really erratic like it was before.

Well there is a break in the rain, so I am taking my dog for a nice walk.

Ruby

1. Aff on September 18th, 2007 3:31 am

   Just a quick note to say thanks for the link. I’ve linked you back and bookmarked the site.

   I’ll definitely be back

2. Ruby on September 19th, 2007 1:00 pm

   Hi Aff
   Thanks for coming by, see you soon

   Ruby

3. Robert on September 19th, 2007 7:33 pm

   Marie makes friends easily, but once they find out that there are many activities that she can’t share with them, most let the friendship lapse.

   However, a few have stuck by her. Quality is better than quantity!

   I’m sure that your approach to socialising is the correct one, and it will pay off in due course. Visiting family, even if they haven’t been keeping in touch as much as they could have, will help you hone your smalltalk and chitchat skills!

4. Ruby on September 21st, 2007 1:40 am

   Hi Robert,
   I don’t have problems making friends, but I hate making smalltalk and chitchat it bores me to tears. I am sure I should have been a man as I believe that if you haven’t got anything real to say then say nothing…lol, which is probably why most women don’t hang around, cause I am just not a woman
   I would rather sit round a table with blokes than women any time. But I agree with what your saying that you have to practice social skills to keep them up to scratch and there is an art to it for sure.