Wow, I cannot believe it has been over a year since I posted here, it has been a very busy year !!
About the time of my last post I was considering moving to be closer to my mum, who has early onset dementia. That was a major consideration due living in government housing, and could I afford to rent privately if I got ill again???? At the end of October I decided to bite the bullet as I couldn't help out being 4 hours drive away. I had lived in this town 11 years ago, so knew some people as well as having contacts for work. At the end of November I made the move, with all the rush of packing and organising everything I had no time for being worried about the outcome, the decision had been made now so all I could do was make the best of it.
I started work in my field of Aged Care 3 days after arriving, yea I know, wow!!!! what a roller coaster ride it all was, but was the only way I could manage financially. Had the kitchen all unpacked on the first day (thanks to my sis) the rest took about six weeks. I was really enjoying work though I was very tired, got to spend lots of time with mum and dad which was great.
By the third month I had hurt my back, and to my surprise found out I had Osteo Arthritis..yay! that was all I needed, little did I know there would be a few more things I wouldn't need coming along. Luckily I have the attitude of accepting what comes along and deal with the best way possible. It was around this time the owners of the house were thinking about putting the house on the market (after giving me a six month lease and the promise of another 2 years after that). The stress was starting to build I can tell you!!!! I started browsing the rental lists again knowing I had three months to find something, I finally found something suitable and had to move myself (with lots of help from a great friend) While I was browsing the rental list I started working in the disability field which was what I first trained in, and loved being back - didn't realise how much I had missed it.
My daughter decided to move overseas for a year, I am really pleased for her, but I do miss her and can't wait till she returns.
Had a few small dramas with my back but it was manageable, within three months I was asked to step up to a office relief position which I was thrilled about, but really scared, I was qualified to do this role but had never done it previously. What a learning curve!!!!! All while still trying to fit in assisting mum and dad.
I must say here, that as much as there were stresses and a lack of time and learning a new role, I hadn't been that happy in a long long time - and to top it all off NOT ONE PANIC ATTACK - no one was more surprised than me.
A couple of months ago I found out I have high blood pressure, I was a bit shocked, but not surprised with all the stress of the year and the many years prior with agoraphobia, so yet another learning curve in change of lifestyle. Oh forgot to mention that I also faced turning half a century! the age part doesn't really bother me, but obviously my body thinks differently to my mind lol
Then came the last and biggest surprise came about a month ago, dad had an operation for cancer so I spent a lot of my spare time with mum during this time as well. Unfortunately the cancer spread, so chemo is next on the list with a good chance of getting it all....fingers crossed.
Last weekend I ended up going to emergency not knowing what was wrong with me....yep...a panic attack, no real surprises there, but I was surprised at how I didn't remember how bad they were after having them daily for nearly four years...bloody amazing I think. I am still on my medication, and my doc believes I will probably always need to stay on them, I am not sure how that will go, but I am happy to stay on them for now. I was fine the next day and with dad having been home from hospital for a week, I could allow myself to have some nice periods of rest.
Last week I started my fourth holiday relief in the office and am slowly getting the hang of it, and loving it.
Can't forget to mention that menopause has dwindled down to almost nothing and that makes me very happy.
I must say a BIG thank you to those who have stayed by my side through these years, I know it must have been difficult and very repetitive. I love you dearly.
I can't say I am on top of the world, but it is still a nice view on the trek up :)
November 18, 2011
August 11, 2010
Medication Change
I saw the doctor a couple of weeks ago and he decided that we should up my medication from 10mg to 20mg. I have been doing really well lately, no panic attacks at all, but still haven't been able to go to social events or shopping centres. So he thinks that by upping the dose it will move me forward, lets hope so...
So on Saturday I was at work, happily doing my bit, then all of a sudden my whole upper body was tingling full on, even my tongue! Of course this made me panic and I was a total mess, I tried all my strategies for overcoming the panic, but nothing worked. Which of course made the panic even worse as I figured there must be something really really wrong. I ended up leaving work, phoned my sister to talk to me and try help calm me down, came home to bed and stayed there till Sunday lunchtime, the whole time this tingling was there.
By late Sunday it had eased a lot but was still over my face and mouth and tongue. I had done some research on Saturday on the side affects of raising the dosage and found that this could be a side affect which calmed me somewhat to know that it was normal.
Monday I went to the docs just to check that everything was ok, he said that it was only a 'mild' side affect.... didn't feel to mild to me at the time hehe. I went back to work on Tuesday and everything went well but found by late last night it was getting worse, due to being tired I imagine. This morning it was almost all gone and by lunchtime I could not feel a thing, but now a bit has come back around my mouth.... must be getting tired... I'll be glad when the first two weeks are up and I can hopefully start to see if it is going to make a noticeable difference.
So on Saturday I was at work, happily doing my bit, then all of a sudden my whole upper body was tingling full on, even my tongue! Of course this made me panic and I was a total mess, I tried all my strategies for overcoming the panic, but nothing worked. Which of course made the panic even worse as I figured there must be something really really wrong. I ended up leaving work, phoned my sister to talk to me and try help calm me down, came home to bed and stayed there till Sunday lunchtime, the whole time this tingling was there.
By late Sunday it had eased a lot but was still over my face and mouth and tongue. I had done some research on Saturday on the side affects of raising the dosage and found that this could be a side affect which calmed me somewhat to know that it was normal.
Monday I went to the docs just to check that everything was ok, he said that it was only a 'mild' side affect.... didn't feel to mild to me at the time hehe. I went back to work on Tuesday and everything went well but found by late last night it was getting worse, due to being tired I imagine. This morning it was almost all gone and by lunchtime I could not feel a thing, but now a bit has come back around my mouth.... must be getting tired... I'll be glad when the first two weeks are up and I can hopefully start to see if it is going to make a noticeable difference.
July 31, 2010
Gallbladder finally gone :)
Finally had my gallbladder removed on June 24th through keyhole surgery, everything went well and was home the following day.
Had some pain, but not enough to worry about painkillers, just lots of rest. Couldn't walk very well for the first week, and had to have 4 weeks of work.
I can't explain how great it is to know that I will never have another gallbladder attack, they are the worst things imaginable, hours and hours of excruciating pain. Still have to be aware of what I eat but for digestive reasons now.
Had some pain, but not enough to worry about painkillers, just lots of rest. Couldn't walk very well for the first week, and had to have 4 weeks of work.
I can't explain how great it is to know that I will never have another gallbladder attack, they are the worst things imaginable, hours and hours of excruciating pain. Still have to be aware of what I eat but for digestive reasons now.
June 5, 2010
Steadily Moving Forward
Life has been going pretty well over the last few months. I am still following the Panic Away program and have been able to stop talking to my amygdala!
Most of the self talk is automatic now and I do smile at myself when I catch myself, that I have been able to turn the self talk around from negative to positive in such a short space of time after suffering for so many years.
I have been able to go office buildings and catch elevators, I do get a bit of the prickly feeling but am able to stop it going any further and calm myself down fairly quickly. I did go into a supermarket in a small centre at closing time – no people around and went down a couple of aisles with my daughter – that was a huge step as shopping centres have been my biggest hurdle. I haven’t worked my way up to a large shopping centre or restaurants yet, but I think that is my own fear rather than believing I would not be able to cope.
I did go to a family birthday party in a hall where I had set up an escape plan so as not to look totally mad hehe, and didn’t end having to use it. I had such a great time and my family is still talking about me mingling and laughing.
Just secretly, I have come to the conclusion that I am a tad worried about getting 100% better as there will be more expected of me, I have become so accustomed to my quiet lifestyle; another challenge to overcome :)
January 15, 2010
Panic Away & The Linden Method
I still haven't had a full blown panic attack since reading Panic Away (except while waking up in pain, but I don't count that as it wasn't for the normal reasons.) I kept repeating to myself that every symptom I felt was just a feeling, I was the one putting the thought to it and making myself panic, and it has worked up to now.
I always felt all this was out of my control and there was nothing I could do, I could do CBT and other things, but it only ever got me so far. This was something I had control over, what the symptoms were, and that it was me translating them into something they were not.
I also downloaded the Linden method and the one great thing I took from there was how the amygdala - part of the limbic system - processes memory and emotional reactions and sets the anxiety level on past experiences. So I have been going around during my daily tasks talking to my amygdala!!!!
I thought I was crazy before, now I really think I am :-) but it seems to be working, these two methods are moving me along slowly but surely at the moment.
I have gone into more shops (still not shopping centres) and can stay in there longer, I have even managed to do a full shop (not done for two years now) on 3 occasions without even one panic feeling. What is weird though is that my thoughts still try to do the same things saying:- get out quick, you need to get to a safe place, but because I am not paying attention to the symptoms it doesn't go anywhere, and I go back to focusing on the shopping. I am utterly amazed and very happy of course.
I haven't tried anything different yet, like places I haven't been in years like going to a restuarant/cafe, the movies, or even somewhere where I can't bring the car and have to walk. I have proof that it is working, but I still don't trust myself - how totally conditioned we make ourselves. But I am in no hurry, I would rather take it slowly and build up the confidence, than dive in too deep and find I can't swim. It has taken years to get this bad, I don't expect any miracle cures that will fix it all in one swoop.
I haven't told any of my family about all this yet, I am forever building methods up to them only for them to fail a few weeks down the track. So I am going to keep slowly pushing myself until I am ready to surprise them with something. Not sure what yet, but I imagine it would be something like showing up for a weekend lunch at at a cafe.
I always felt all this was out of my control and there was nothing I could do, I could do CBT and other things, but it only ever got me so far. This was something I had control over, what the symptoms were, and that it was me translating them into something they were not.
I also downloaded the Linden method and the one great thing I took from there was how the amygdala - part of the limbic system - processes memory and emotional reactions and sets the anxiety level on past experiences. So I have been going around during my daily tasks talking to my amygdala!!!!
I thought I was crazy before, now I really think I am :-) but it seems to be working, these two methods are moving me along slowly but surely at the moment.
I have gone into more shops (still not shopping centres) and can stay in there longer, I have even managed to do a full shop (not done for two years now) on 3 occasions without even one panic feeling. What is weird though is that my thoughts still try to do the same things saying:- get out quick, you need to get to a safe place, but because I am not paying attention to the symptoms it doesn't go anywhere, and I go back to focusing on the shopping. I am utterly amazed and very happy of course.
I haven't tried anything different yet, like places I haven't been in years like going to a restuarant/cafe, the movies, or even somewhere where I can't bring the car and have to walk. I have proof that it is working, but I still don't trust myself - how totally conditioned we make ourselves. But I am in no hurry, I would rather take it slowly and build up the confidence, than dive in too deep and find I can't swim. It has taken years to get this bad, I don't expect any miracle cures that will fix it all in one swoop.
I haven't told any of my family about all this yet, I am forever building methods up to them only for them to fail a few weeks down the track. So I am going to keep slowly pushing myself until I am ready to surprise them with something. Not sure what yet, but I imagine it would be something like showing up for a weekend lunch at at a cafe.
Gallstones Update
It is nearly a month since I last posted, I promised myself I was going to be more regular after moving to blogspot! I came on to write a post and ended up spending a couple of hours reading everyone else's new posts, now I'm all blogged out :)
I had a lovely time over Christmas with all the family, though healthwise it was a disaster. After not being able to eat after the gallbladder attack before Christmas I took myself to the doc's, had to see my docs offsider, and he wrongly diagnosed me with a bowel obstruction and not to eat anything till it cleared. So having trust in the medico I survived only on water for 2 weeks!! and everything the chemist could suggest to help things along, I was still not hungry so that was not an issue and I felt great, but the worry of what it was doing to my body was raising my anxiety levels.
Had to wait till January 4 to see my doc as everything was closed down for the holidays, by this time hypochondria had starting setting in and I was dying with all sorts of illnesses. He was very angry to say the least, it was my gall stones that had caused the attack like I originally thought, so back on food again, but even now I am still eating very limited, don't really feel hungry but make myself have 4-5 snacks through the day. Had to have another ultra sound, my one gallstone has now multiplied into 2 large ones and one small one, will have more tests in February then it will be surgery to have it removed.
I never wanted to have it removed, as I believe it is needed for the body to function well, but after the last attack I can't wait to have it taken out, never want to go through that pain again, give me childbirth any day!
I had a lovely time over Christmas with all the family, though healthwise it was a disaster. After not being able to eat after the gallbladder attack before Christmas I took myself to the doc's, had to see my docs offsider, and he wrongly diagnosed me with a bowel obstruction and not to eat anything till it cleared. So having trust in the medico I survived only on water for 2 weeks!! and everything the chemist could suggest to help things along, I was still not hungry so that was not an issue and I felt great, but the worry of what it was doing to my body was raising my anxiety levels.
Had to wait till January 4 to see my doc as everything was closed down for the holidays, by this time hypochondria had starting setting in and I was dying with all sorts of illnesses. He was very angry to say the least, it was my gall stones that had caused the attack like I originally thought, so back on food again, but even now I am still eating very limited, don't really feel hungry but make myself have 4-5 snacks through the day. Had to have another ultra sound, my one gallstone has now multiplied into 2 large ones and one small one, will have more tests in February then it will be surgery to have it removed.
I never wanted to have it removed, as I believe it is needed for the body to function well, but after the last attack I can't wait to have it taken out, never want to go through that pain again, give me childbirth any day!
December 21, 2009
Panic Away
I downloaded Panic Away Program last week, and have been reading every chance I got. Finally finished it today.
After so many years of reading so many books, I had heard it most one time or another, but there were a few things that I really took on board, firstly that menopause can be a cause of anxiety/agoraphobia. I have waded through anxiety for way too many years now, but I had been 'mostly fine' for 5 years prior to menopause starting, and that's when the agoraphobia started setting in. I have always believed that the menopause with its myriad of hormonal and chemical changes were responsible for the depth of it all, though I am aware that it was due to me being anxious in the first place. It was comforting to finally see it written :)
The Panic Away method is based on 'Demanding More' from your anxiety and then welcoming, embracing and accepting the anxiety and panic, its a total turn around on the usual coping skills that just mask the symptoms. So for this week I have been practising, it is such a weird notion after spending years fearing it, but it is getting easier everyday and I believe it is making a substantial difference.
He also talks about the "Gratitude Exercise' - to spend some time every morning focusing on the things you appreciate about your life. This is something that I have come across before, but it was great to be reminded of again. Mornings are not my best time :) maybe that is why it's a good reason to do it then.
Then there was the Adrenalin sensations, we all know that adrenalin is our own worst enemy, because we buy into the symptoms and turn them into a panic attack. Another good reminder that it is our fear of bodily sensations that cause our anxiety and panic, so this week I have been looking at my body sensations for what they are, and not interpreting them as the start of panic, and that has been helping heaps, again it is very hard to turn around thinking that I was beginning to think was hard wired.
It was great to read a program that was not out to mask the symptoms with varied coping skills, but rather work towards eliminating the underlying problem to end anxiety. I am really glad that I read this program, I wrote down the things I need to be reminded of and pinned it up for me look at every day so I don't slip back into my bad habits, it is way too easy to be drawn back to usual ways.
I do not want to be a victim of anxiety any more!
After so many years of reading so many books, I had heard it most one time or another, but there were a few things that I really took on board, firstly that menopause can be a cause of anxiety/agoraphobia. I have waded through anxiety for way too many years now, but I had been 'mostly fine' for 5 years prior to menopause starting, and that's when the agoraphobia started setting in. I have always believed that the menopause with its myriad of hormonal and chemical changes were responsible for the depth of it all, though I am aware that it was due to me being anxious in the first place. It was comforting to finally see it written :)
The Panic Away method is based on 'Demanding More' from your anxiety and then welcoming, embracing and accepting the anxiety and panic, its a total turn around on the usual coping skills that just mask the symptoms. So for this week I have been practising, it is such a weird notion after spending years fearing it, but it is getting easier everyday and I believe it is making a substantial difference.
He also talks about the "Gratitude Exercise' - to spend some time every morning focusing on the things you appreciate about your life. This is something that I have come across before, but it was great to be reminded of again. Mornings are not my best time :) maybe that is why it's a good reason to do it then.
Then there was the Adrenalin sensations, we all know that adrenalin is our own worst enemy, because we buy into the symptoms and turn them into a panic attack. Another good reminder that it is our fear of bodily sensations that cause our anxiety and panic, so this week I have been looking at my body sensations for what they are, and not interpreting them as the start of panic, and that has been helping heaps, again it is very hard to turn around thinking that I was beginning to think was hard wired.
It was great to read a program that was not out to mask the symptoms with varied coping skills, but rather work towards eliminating the underlying problem to end anxiety. I am really glad that I read this program, I wrote down the things I need to be reminded of and pinned it up for me look at every day so I don't slip back into my bad habits, it is way too easy to be drawn back to usual ways.
I do not want to be a victim of anxiety any more!
Gallbladder Attack and Christmas
I had another attack last night - 4 hours of acute pain!! up till 5 in the morning with it. So today I spent time typing out a list of foods that I can have and those I need to avoid and stuck it up inside my pantry door so I don't get lazy. I am usually pretty careful, but after no attacks for a while I do become a bit complacent, but this is two in a week now, so I better listen to my body. All I had to eat today was yoghurt and fresh fruit juice as my tummy was way to tender.
So Christmas dinner will be very bland for me this year. Mum used to make the full traditional dinner years ago, but as time went on it became smaller and smaller. Me and my sisters took on the task last year and it went pretty well, this year we decided to go all out and do all the dishes as we had when we were kids.
I spent this week cooking the meats - the meats I now wont be able to eat!
One sister spent today baking all the cakes and sweets - the cakes and sweets I wont be able to eat!
The other sister is doing all the side dishes - I will be able to have some of them :)
I totally love our traditional European xmas dinner and have been looking forward to it for months, now I will need to just enjoy the aromas.
So Christmas dinner will be very bland for me this year. Mum used to make the full traditional dinner years ago, but as time went on it became smaller and smaller. Me and my sisters took on the task last year and it went pretty well, this year we decided to go all out and do all the dishes as we had when we were kids.
I spent this week cooking the meats - the meats I now wont be able to eat!
One sister spent today baking all the cakes and sweets - the cakes and sweets I wont be able to eat!
The other sister is doing all the side dishes - I will be able to have some of them :)
I totally love our traditional European xmas dinner and have been looking forward to it for months, now I will need to just enjoy the aromas.
Work Update
Work finally got back to me on Friday. I was glad they took a few days to respond to my email, it gave me time to think things over and not just react.
She said they would not sign separation papers for me (which is because they are legally not allowed to put me off due to health reasons they were aware of when they employed me). They also changed their tune and said that since I have done such great work for them in the past year they would really like to keep me on, and promises to give me my required shifts. It was great to hear them suck up :) ....as I knew I had done nothing wrong.
I have decided that I will not stay with them, as I can not work for people who think I am a liar, that is not a healthy work relationship. But I will swallow my pride and stay with them till the new year so I have time to look for other work, I have already put a couple of applications in so hopefully I will hear back soon.
She said they would not sign separation papers for me (which is because they are legally not allowed to put me off due to health reasons they were aware of when they employed me). They also changed their tune and said that since I have done such great work for them in the past year they would really like to keep me on, and promises to give me my required shifts. It was great to hear them suck up :) ....as I knew I had done nothing wrong.
I have decided that I will not stay with them, as I can not work for people who think I am a liar, that is not a healthy work relationship. But I will swallow my pride and stay with them till the new year so I have time to look for other work, I have already put a couple of applications in so hopefully I will hear back soon.
December 16, 2009
Timely Psych Visit
Had my monthly psych visit today which I always look forward to, as it gives me my boost to move forward.
Before I get to my visit, I want to give a bit of background to my psych and why I like her. You can't just see any psych and get better, it needs to be someone that you click with.
We chat about so many different things so we don't always stay on target, I really like her attitude about our sessions, that where ever we end up is where we need to be, as we are still tackling the agoraphobia in one way or another, she is so adaptable and I really enjoy that aspect. She has differing views from other psychs that I have seen that want to make you into a totally well rounded person, she believes that you don't need to become 100% better in the eyes of others to be mentally healthy. I have always had an issue with being able to do everything - as I have no interest in that, for example - I am a hermit at heart and enjoy my own company, so I will never be or want to be a social butterfly.
Her take on getting better is: If it doesn't have a negative affect on other people, it doesn't matter what you choose to do or not to do, but the big thing is that it is a choice, and not controlled by the agoraphobia/anxiety. Eg, if you don't shower, other people will be affected by the odour. If you don't go to luncheons, it really doesn't affect anyone, they may not like it but it, but you need to be accepted for who you are.
We have talked a lot about CBT and how I felt it helped me a lot in getting through my anxieties, but how the breathing always made me hyperventilate and just spiralled the panic to a point of no return. I had learnt the breathing technique of breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4.
So she taught me her technique which I will be forever grateful for, it has made such a huge difference in me managing my anxieties. Take a slow deep breath in, then breathe out slowly counting to ten slowly and relaxed, then never worry about breathing in, as that is an automatic body function. So now I just focus on breathing out slowly to the count of ten. This has reduced my anxiety ten fold and was one of those light bulb moments that will always be remembered. I have not had a full blown panic attack since starting this technique.
Now to today's visit, I talked about moving my blog and scanning through the old posts, and realising where I am today compared to my first post.
And how last week I made it into the shop which was one of the first places that I avoided due to the panic attacks, I have been able to get into other small shops, but that was a hard one to face. I went in with goal of getting one item, but got four, and went down two aisles.
So we discussed that now that I am able to meet my needs eg. buying food, (I'm still not able to go to shopping centres, but since I hate shopping at the best of times, that isn't really a big issue for me) we are going to look at getting into office building etc. There are a few things I need to do, educational and medical, that I am not able to do until I can get into office buildings and attend meetings and appointments. Its not so much what I need to do, but more the waiting and giving my brain time to go off on one of its tangents - which usually ends up in a panic attac. Also its that I am not able to go anywhere where I am not able to park right outside the door, and pop and in and out without much hassle. So stairs lifts, parking bays too far away decide where I go and don't go.
So over the xmas break I am just going to keep going with what I have been doing.
Before I get to my visit, I want to give a bit of background to my psych and why I like her. You can't just see any psych and get better, it needs to be someone that you click with.
We chat about so many different things so we don't always stay on target, I really like her attitude about our sessions, that where ever we end up is where we need to be, as we are still tackling the agoraphobia in one way or another, she is so adaptable and I really enjoy that aspect. She has differing views from other psychs that I have seen that want to make you into a totally well rounded person, she believes that you don't need to become 100% better in the eyes of others to be mentally healthy. I have always had an issue with being able to do everything - as I have no interest in that, for example - I am a hermit at heart and enjoy my own company, so I will never be or want to be a social butterfly.
Her take on getting better is: If it doesn't have a negative affect on other people, it doesn't matter what you choose to do or not to do, but the big thing is that it is a choice, and not controlled by the agoraphobia/anxiety. Eg, if you don't shower, other people will be affected by the odour. If you don't go to luncheons, it really doesn't affect anyone, they may not like it but it, but you need to be accepted for who you are.
We have talked a lot about CBT and how I felt it helped me a lot in getting through my anxieties, but how the breathing always made me hyperventilate and just spiralled the panic to a point of no return. I had learnt the breathing technique of breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 4, breathe out for 4.
So she taught me her technique which I will be forever grateful for, it has made such a huge difference in me managing my anxieties. Take a slow deep breath in, then breathe out slowly counting to ten slowly and relaxed, then never worry about breathing in, as that is an automatic body function. So now I just focus on breathing out slowly to the count of ten. This has reduced my anxiety ten fold and was one of those light bulb moments that will always be remembered. I have not had a full blown panic attack since starting this technique.
Now to today's visit, I talked about moving my blog and scanning through the old posts, and realising where I am today compared to my first post.
And how last week I made it into the shop which was one of the first places that I avoided due to the panic attacks, I have been able to get into other small shops, but that was a hard one to face. I went in with goal of getting one item, but got four, and went down two aisles.
So we discussed that now that I am able to meet my needs eg. buying food, (I'm still not able to go to shopping centres, but since I hate shopping at the best of times, that isn't really a big issue for me) we are going to look at getting into office building etc. There are a few things I need to do, educational and medical, that I am not able to do until I can get into office buildings and attend meetings and appointments. Its not so much what I need to do, but more the waiting and giving my brain time to go off on one of its tangents - which usually ends up in a panic attac. Also its that I am not able to go anywhere where I am not able to park right outside the door, and pop and in and out without much hassle. So stairs lifts, parking bays too far away decide where I go and don't go.
So over the xmas break I am just going to keep going with what I have been doing.
December 15, 2009
Crappy few weeks
I feel like I have been on a rollercoaster for the past couple of weeks, not in myself, jut life in general.
Firstly I had a chemical reaction at a clients house, which knocked me for six for four days, when I slowly started feeling human again.
Work has since been decreasing my hours because I had to take days off after the reaction, it is their type of punishment or something, tit for tat! this is how they treat all the staff that do not conform to their expectations. So I kept harassing for more hours so I can meet my financial obligations, then Monday there was no work again!! they said they would fix it - they didn't.
No roster on Tuesday - though they swear they emailed it through, so that was taken as me avoiding work of course, cause they can't be wrong.
Then today I had a huge gall bladder attack today, that I really should've gone to hospital for, but I rode it out. Mainly because as soon as they see on my records that I suffer from panic attacks they treat me like I am over reacting!!! grrrr
So I called work to let them know that I would prob not be able to work tomorrow, which they got very huffy about. (I thought I was doing the right thing letting them know today, rather than half an before I was to start in the morning).
Then the supervisor phoned me back going on about how it is always one thing or another (this always is 5 x off for chemical reactions in 1 year, and 1 x off for gall bladder attack previous to today) and that it seems I am just trying to avoid work, and that I am not really sick just something I am saying to hide the 'real reason' I do not want to work, and no wonder I never get any shifts and that they will be employing more people in my area (meaning to replace me, but did not say so)
I was so upset I could not even speak to her, to be called a liar, and that I would make up being ill. I can't even believe that people who work in an industry caring for people can be so rude and thoughtless, but I am not surprised really, I have been astonished over the past year of how they have treated their staff.
So I composed myself and wrote her an email stating that the chemical reactions and gallbladder issue was discussed at my initial interview and I was told they would work around that. I also said they better fill out my seperation papers as I will not be able to continue working for people who think I am a liar.
I got an email back saying that she was sorry I felt that way!!!! I only felt that way because of the way I was being treated grrrrrr - do these people listen to themselves. They will be discussing my 'issues' tomorrow and getting back to me.
So now I have had next to no hours for the past 2 weeks, xmas around the corner and no job.
I am not that concerned about the job, as I know that I will have no problem finding another job as I have 10 years experience in the field. Just lousy timing.
I am amazed that I lasted a year there, but I was just glad to be ably to work on a casual basis where I could set the hours I needed each week.
Anyway, that is the end of my whinge, I usually try and look on the positive side of things, but that will have to wait until tomorrow :-)
Firstly I had a chemical reaction at a clients house, which knocked me for six for four days, when I slowly started feeling human again.
Work has since been decreasing my hours because I had to take days off after the reaction, it is their type of punishment or something, tit for tat! this is how they treat all the staff that do not conform to their expectations. So I kept harassing for more hours so I can meet my financial obligations, then Monday there was no work again!! they said they would fix it - they didn't.
No roster on Tuesday - though they swear they emailed it through, so that was taken as me avoiding work of course, cause they can't be wrong.
Then today I had a huge gall bladder attack today, that I really should've gone to hospital for, but I rode it out. Mainly because as soon as they see on my records that I suffer from panic attacks they treat me like I am over reacting!!! grrrr
So I called work to let them know that I would prob not be able to work tomorrow, which they got very huffy about. (I thought I was doing the right thing letting them know today, rather than half an before I was to start in the morning).
Then the supervisor phoned me back going on about how it is always one thing or another (this always is 5 x off for chemical reactions in 1 year, and 1 x off for gall bladder attack previous to today) and that it seems I am just trying to avoid work, and that I am not really sick just something I am saying to hide the 'real reason' I do not want to work, and no wonder I never get any shifts and that they will be employing more people in my area (meaning to replace me, but did not say so)
I was so upset I could not even speak to her, to be called a liar, and that I would make up being ill. I can't even believe that people who work in an industry caring for people can be so rude and thoughtless, but I am not surprised really, I have been astonished over the past year of how they have treated their staff.
So I composed myself and wrote her an email stating that the chemical reactions and gallbladder issue was discussed at my initial interview and I was told they would work around that. I also said they better fill out my seperation papers as I will not be able to continue working for people who think I am a liar.
I got an email back saying that she was sorry I felt that way!!!! I only felt that way because of the way I was being treated grrrrrr - do these people listen to themselves. They will be discussing my 'issues' tomorrow and getting back to me.
So now I have had next to no hours for the past 2 weeks, xmas around the corner and no job.
I am not that concerned about the job, as I know that I will have no problem finding another job as I have 10 years experience in the field. Just lousy timing.
I am amazed that I lasted a year there, but I was just glad to be ably to work on a casual basis where I could set the hours I needed each week.
Anyway, that is the end of my whinge, I usually try and look on the positive side of things, but that will have to wait until tomorrow :-)
December 10, 2009
Its Been Such a Long Time Away From Here
As you can see I have moved my blog here, my other website's registration will be due in a few months, so thought I'd do something about it before I lost it all.
It was great looking over all the old posts, can't believe its been over two years since I became house bound ~ time flies when staring at four walls ;) It has also made me realise how many hurdles I have overcome in that time, which is a great confidence boost, it is amazing how quickly you forget how bad it really was. Mind you if it wasn't for work, I still wouldn't be leaving the house, so that has been my saving grace and a great confidence builder.
There have been lots of ups and down since March but mainly heading in the right direction. I still haven't conquered a shopping centre or large supermarkets, but I can do the smaller food shops on good days. Still have to park right outside shops to be able get in there, but I am working on that at the moment, parking one to three bays further away and that is going well on most days.
I am still working at the same place, and that is going well. Had only needed to leave work early a few times in the early days due to the agoraphobia.
I have had to leave early a few more times, but that was due to my chemical allergy, work thought I was trying to get out of seeing certain clients, I have explained it to them on various occasions including at my initial interview, but I think they still believe that I am not a reliable worker ~ I can only explain, can't make anyone believe me unfortunately.
Rory is still living with me, and I don't race into my bedroom every time his friends come over now, which I think he is pleased about, it must be hard to be a child of an agoraphobic and having to try and explain the very odd behaviours.
Chloe has moved back here now and is living in the middle of the city, the plan is for me to go there once a week, but it is very difficult as there is very limited parking close by, which is usually taken. I was very proud of myself the other week when I managed to get a spot right outside her apartment block, only to come out to a $100 parking fine as it was during peak hour traffic and there was no parking allowed at that time!!!
Lesson ~ read parking signs carefully in the city
It was great looking over all the old posts, can't believe its been over two years since I became house bound ~ time flies when staring at four walls ;) It has also made me realise how many hurdles I have overcome in that time, which is a great confidence boost, it is amazing how quickly you forget how bad it really was. Mind you if it wasn't for work, I still wouldn't be leaving the house, so that has been my saving grace and a great confidence builder.
There have been lots of ups and down since March but mainly heading in the right direction. I still haven't conquered a shopping centre or large supermarkets, but I can do the smaller food shops on good days. Still have to park right outside shops to be able get in there, but I am working on that at the moment, parking one to three bays further away and that is going well on most days.
I am still working at the same place, and that is going well. Had only needed to leave work early a few times in the early days due to the agoraphobia.
I have had to leave early a few more times, but that was due to my chemical allergy, work thought I was trying to get out of seeing certain clients, I have explained it to them on various occasions including at my initial interview, but I think they still believe that I am not a reliable worker ~ I can only explain, can't make anyone believe me unfortunately.
Rory is still living with me, and I don't race into my bedroom every time his friends come over now, which I think he is pleased about, it must be hard to be a child of an agoraphobic and having to try and explain the very odd behaviours.
Chloe has moved back here now and is living in the middle of the city, the plan is for me to go there once a week, but it is very difficult as there is very limited parking close by, which is usually taken. I was very proud of myself the other week when I managed to get a spot right outside her apartment block, only to come out to a $100 parking fine as it was during peak hour traffic and there was no parking allowed at that time!!!
Lesson ~ read parking signs carefully in the city
March 8, 2009
Nature v’s Nurture
I just replied to a post from Coffeecup re Nature v’s Nurture and it got me thinking…
It’s such a huge area to tackle on one hand, and so simple on the other, so here is my story and point of view on the subject.
I was the black sheep in my family, I have 3 siblings who were always told they could do/be anything, but me - I was never good enough and wouldn’t amount to much - I proved them wrong on that score ;), though I still have self doubts about my abilities. The proof is in the pudding though I suppose and I have managed some great stuff (if I may say so myself).
I was also nagged (brainwashed) constantly about “What will people think?” eg, what to wear, how to act, how to sit, how to stand, how the house should be, how your children behave, don’t say what you think, don’t show your emotions etc etc etc etc etc - the list is endless!
I understand that this is the way the previous generation was, but by simply turning it around to “set your own standards”, rather than “having to meet others’ standards’” (who probably never cared anyway) , my life may have been totally different, such a small shift can give awesome outcomes. I am much better now than what I was, but I still have this overwhelming fear of peoples thoughts should I loose control in some way, it doesn’t have to be major loss either, just having to leave a trolley full of shopping, sitting down on the curb or leaning up against a shop wall to have a rest is something I can’t do, cause “what will people think”. I often see people sitting down on the side of a road for whatever their reason is, and I really wish that I could be like that, its not a bad thing, and people really don’t care, but in my mind…….. I know by thinking like this I am putting myself under so much more pressure than need be, but its a daily occurrence with one thought or another. If I was with someone else I would have no problem sitting down on the curb or whatever - how strange is that!!
I vowed that I would bring up my children with positive nurturing, and allow them to be who they were/wanted to be, help soothe their negatives, and really praise their positives. I believe that I did well with both my children and they have turned out well adjusted adults - don’t get me wrong they are not perfect, and I don’t want them to be either. I always thought before telling them off - will this help or hinder them? There were times when I hindered them terribly as any mother would understand 
My daughter (Chloe - 24) thanked me a couple of years ago for being the best mum and supporting her so positively in everything she did - or did not do, and when seeing other friends relationships with their mothers she is very grateful she has me (she added that it would’ve been nice if I was rich as well, oops failed that one
My son (Rory), well he is a 19 old - need I say more I don’t expect to get any gratitude from him anytime soon, I know he is grateful by other things he says, but God forbid to actually voice any of those thoughts to mum. I know he is well rounded as all the girls love him - not because he is handsome or anything like that (which he is of course ;), but because he can sit down and talk with them on any subject for hours without any shame and he doesn’t care what his manly mates think.
Both of my kids will stand up and fight for their morals and values and happy to pass someone over if they do not have the same values. Me - I would have been too scared to voice my opinion. Secretly and ashamedly I sometimes feel a bit jealous of their abilities and wish I could have been as strong growing up, even now for that matter - I still worry too much about “What will people think?” but that was a term I never passed onto my children. My main term was “How would you feel if….?” to understand what it is like to stand in someone elses shoes for just a moment, empathy is a great trait.
I must say that I was a bit upset after my children were born and decided that I would not bring them up as a girl or boy, but both as children and let nurture make them into rounded human beings, when my son was only a couple of months old I can remember phoning mum, very disappointed that males are born males, and there is nothing you can do to change that!! but I still persevered
So I say nurture has worked much better in this generation, I hate to think who they would be if I had numbly carried on mum’s beliefs. They both still have their innate traits given by nature, good and bad, but they have been positively built on not suffocated.
5 Responses to “Nature v’s Nurture”
March 7, 2009
Such A Great Feeling To Achieve Small Steps
I am getting rather worried about my specialist visit on the 26th, I hope I can manage it all ok as I really want to get this stuff sorted. A good friend is coming up from down south to come in with me, and I am really looking forward to seeing her as I haven’t seen her in ages.
On a good note, work told me that I had to go for a manual handling training for 2 hours last week, I freaked when she told me, luckily I had explained my agoraphobia to them at the first interview, so I told her my fears. This training has to updated each year for competency and I new I had to go, my supervisor called the facilitator for me and explained my situation.
I thought up all sorts of excuses of why I could not attent, but in the end I knew I had to at least try, so off I went!! I spoke to the facilitator when I arrived and she was happy for me to leave when I needed to. I think that just knowing I would not make a fool of myself by leaving early took away a lot of the anxiety. The session was for 2 hours and I stayed for 1.5
A friend called me earlier this week and told me that I had to go into a small supermarket that is located right on the street and buy just one thing and then report back. I was quite put out by the demand, but appreciated the push at the same time. So on Friday after my shift I went in planning to buy something that was located at the front of the shop, I felt pretty good considering, so I made my way down the first aisle, by the time I got to the check out I had 12 items, I really surprised myself!! I started getting anxious and kept doing my breathing on the way to the check out, and was really really glad to be out when I got to the car, but I did it.
I go through such waves of emotions about getting over this, I get so sick of climbing this bloody hill only to fall off the other side (eventually - sometimes years, sometimes months) that I think I am better of staying where I am, each time before I have pushed myself hard to getting better but this time I feel like I’m so sick of fighting for nothing. But then days in the last week happen and I get a shot of positiveness to go on and fight again.
February 25, 2009
2008 - The Short Version
Gosh its been hard to think of whats been happening in the past year, I can barely remember what I did yesterday
I finished up at the night shift job as they were cutting down on staff, and then I went back working in Aged Care in a Nursing Home. It was very hard there having to speak with staff every day and find something interesting to talk about - since I do nothing! But I loved the work. After 6 weeks I started being nauseous every day (not from anxiety) and had to leave. But of course these symptoms made my body think I was having regular panic attacks again, and I went down hill very quickly.
I went for tests and found out that I had gall stones, but my doctor thought it was something else causing the nausea and pain so he wanted me to have an endoscopy to check for gastric reflux. But I couldn’t make it in to have the test, after being housebound again for 4 months I finally got the courage up to go in. There was no major damage there, so now I have to go in for further tests on my gallstones - in a much bigger hospital - so not sure how that is going to work, the appointment is on March 26.
I have found another job in Aged Care working part time in the community assisting the elderly at home with personal care, I am managing this fine, as there is no building I’m stuck in all day, just driving to each persons home and assisting for up to an hour, then back in my car - My Refuge
I still can’t get into shops, offices etc but found last week a home delivery service for food shopping which is great (actually probably not great, as it is just using my great avoidance skills even more) but haven’t been into other shops for the whole year besides a small church food shop, local butcher and greengrocer that are not in a shopping centre, and these only on a good day.
Being a hermit at the best of times probably doesn’t help matters either, as I do not have any great inner urgency to get out into the big wide world.
Overall I feel much better now that I am working again, at least it gets me out of the house for a few hours each weekday. The rest of the time I pretty much do next to nothing. Actually that is not totally true, I have been recording free audio books for a site called “Librivox” and that has been great. They only record books in the public domain, so have taken part in some great golden oldies
I don’t want to bore you too much with my non activity over these months, so I will leave it here for now.
Its great to back online
Ruby
3 Responses to “2008 - The Short Version”
- SARAH on February 26th, 2009 12:49 am
I am SOOOOO happy you’re back
x
- coffeecup on February 26th, 2009 10:06 am
Fabulous that you’re back!!! You were truly missed. We do worry what happens when folks stop writing, but to find you returned in such good spirits Ruby, is wonderful.
- Ruby on February 26th, 2009 10:39 am
Thanks guys
Its great to be welcomed back so nicely. I’m really glad to be back.
January 25, 2009
I’m Back!!
Hi everyone
Firstly thank you to all the lovely comments left here while I was away.
I have been without internet for a year now, but I am back on line and looking forward to catching up with everyone.
I just spent an hour going through 700!! comments, most of which were spam, so I will come back shortly and give a quick update of the past year
February 9, 2008
Links
I am not ready to just sit and watch agoraphobia take over my life any more, and have spent many months searching for some good sites that can help me and that talks in plain language.
There is so much out there in cyberspace and I have wasted lots of time reading rubbish, but occasionally I find something great. I found these helpful or interesting in someway, so here they are:
There is so much out there in cyberspace and I have wasted lots of time reading rubbish, but occasionally I find something great. I found these helpful or interesting in someway, so here they are:
This site is written by Stephen who is a recovered agoraphobic and now has a masters degree in psychology. He has so much helpful information on his site, as well as a monthly newsletter with recovery techniques, and an e-book, its great to read from someone who knows what recovery is like. Stephen is also going to write a book and his blog for that is Panic Disorder Book Project
Beyond Blue is a national, independent, not-for-profit organisation working to address issues associated with depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and post-natal depression. It has a key goal of raising community awareness about depression and reducing stigma associated with the illness.
Centre for Clinical Interventions
Centre for Clinical Interventions has numerous resources and great workbooks related to a variety of mental health issues.
depressioNet has a comprehensive resource of information help and a forum and chat room.
GROW is a community working towards mental health through mutual help and a 12 step recovery program. Small groups of people who have experienced depression, anxiety or other mental or emotional distress, come together on a weekly basis in all Australian states to help each other deal with the challenges of life.
There is also a similar group in the US:
Recovery, Inc.
Life with Agoraphobia Report is by Dr. Joyce Davidson Post-Doctoral Research Fellow from The Institute for Health Research at Lancaster University has been conducting doctoral research on the experience of agoraphobia
and panic in plain english.
Mens Health Site is a great a great site for men covering various health topics.
Mood Gym is an interactive training program with quizzes and workbooks that are saved in your profile.
SANE Australia is a national charity working for a better life for people affected by mental illness through Campaigns, Education and Research.
January 28, 2008
Still Here
I have had a terrible time sleeping lately, it has been so hot that all I have been doing is laying in bed while I am home and hoping to get enough sleep/rest to get me through the next shift at work.
It has been ranging between mid to high 30C degrees daily as well as a few above 40C degrees. If I am still at this job next year I think I may have to invest in an air conditioner. Actually its not so much the cost of the air conditioner as the monthly running costs, but its only for a couple of months I suppose, and sleep is very important.
I will write once I am getting enough sleep to be able to think again.
Ruby
10 Responses to “I’m Still Here”
- Robert on January 30th, 2008 9:45 am
Hi Ruby!
Good to hear from you again! I hope that things are going well for you.
You can have some of the cold, grey, damp weather we’ve got here, if you like! But, actually, I prefer the temperature not to go too much above 20°.
Best wishes!
- coffeecup on February 1st, 2008 11:25 pm
Hi Ruby, what weather you’re having! It’s horrible here, the wind is howling and it’s trying very hard to snow. Then it pours with rain! Yuck! Cannot get warm at all today.
Worrying over sleep sure does make it worse. When you’re lying there thinking that you ought to be sleeping, it just causes guilt and more anxiety. I’m awake well into the night all the time, but don’t have the pressure of having to cope at work. It’s hard to battle with panic when you’re very tired too. I emapthise with how you must be feeling. Come to England where it’s freezing! We’re all sruggling to keep warm at night!
All the best, Steph x - coffeecup on February 22nd, 2008 5:59 am
Ruby are you okay? Getting a bit worried that you’ve not been around for a while. Hope things are well :-/
- shellie on February 25th, 2008 9:29 pm
I just came accross ur page today, i am so happy to finally read/hear that i am not alone in how i feel, i actually cried. I have been off work for comming up to 7 months with this “anxiety” and just feel lost. i don’t see a light at the end of my tunnel and am so desperate to go back to work even though i still wake up with heart palpatations so strong that my whole body shakes and God forbid i should have an unexpected knock on my door (i can never answer it), i’m too panicy to drive and can’t catch a bus on my own so i walk for miles and miles to anywere i need to go ( i say walk but it’s more like speed walking with headphones and a hat on looking at the floor). i have good days every now and then but mostly bad days, and i can’t even start to tell you about the stress that my work have caused mr from bullying from a manager to witholding pay to not being able to “guarentee” part time hours if i return to work.
please, were u as bad as me and how long did it take u to see the light? - Grind on March 25th, 2008 11:43 pm
Hey Ruby,
Haven’t heard form you in awhile but hoping that all is fine with you and your family.
- Mental Health Blog Research Group on March 30th, 2008 9:28 am
Hello, we are researchers from The College of New Jersey interested in gaining information on the views of authors of mental health blogs. You have received this invitation because you are an author of such a blog. Participation will involve responding to surveys about your mental health and blogging habits. The results are completely confidential. No respondent’s personal identity will be requested or associated with any set of answers. We appreciate your time and help with our study and as a thank you for participating you will be entered into a prize draw. If you are interested or desire further information, please respond to mhblog@tcnj.edu and be sure to include a link to the home page of your blog as well as your preferred contact email address. The survey will be sent to you via email within the next few weeks. Thank you in advance for your participation!
–
Mental Health Blog Research Group
The College of New Jersey
mhblog@tcnj.edu - James Collins on April 4th, 2008 11:36 am
I think your site is great and would like to trade links with you. My site is about my personal fight with agoraphobia. Anyway, great site!
- James
- James Collins on April 14th, 2008 3:21 pm
I have agoraphobia also and it sucks Ive had it for 3 years now and it doesnt seem to be lightening up anytime soon.
- Phoenix on April 29th, 2008 11:26 am
I just clicked on to this site out of curiousity and I read a little bit. I suffered from panic attacks and agoraphobia when I was 16. I continued to suffer through them until I was diagnosed with brain cancer in 1998. I have long since recovered and I am writing a book about how I survived brain cancer, the foster care system and a couple of drunk husbands and finally a bad assualt on me before my diagnosis. I am hoping that a lot of people will read my book and learn how depression ties into anxiety attacks. I will be visiting this site again soon.
- Sarah on August 15th, 2008 2:39 pm
How are you doing there?
x
January 6, 2008
2008
Well its 2008 and I have plans of having a more positive year in various areas;
Number one is doing some social things to get me out of the house to meet some people, I haven't decided what yet, but I will have a look around in the local paper to find what is going on. I feel like I can face people now that I have at least something to talk about - work - cause I haven't done anything else worth talking about, and I am sure they don't want to hear about my Agoraphobia and Panic Attacks :)
I also want to spend some time and money in redecorating my house, I have made a small start where I have painted a feature wall, I want to paint the kitchen as well, have a new fridge and freezer on layby, and the next on the list is a new bedroom suite for me.
I also want to get back into part time study, still deciding between adding to my computer certificates or to add to my Diploma in Welfare & Disabilites, or maybe something just for fun, I will see whats on offer when the new courses are listed at the end of January.
I beleive doing the above things will automatically help with my Agoraphobia, so recovering further goes without saying.
Number one is doing some social things to get me out of the house to meet some people, I haven't decided what yet, but I will have a look around in the local paper to find what is going on. I feel like I can face people now that I have at least something to talk about - work - cause I haven't done anything else worth talking about, and I am sure they don't want to hear about my Agoraphobia and Panic Attacks :)
I also want to spend some time and money in redecorating my house, I have made a small start where I have painted a feature wall, I want to paint the kitchen as well, have a new fridge and freezer on layby, and the next on the list is a new bedroom suite for me.
I also want to get back into part time study, still deciding between adding to my computer certificates or to add to my Diploma in Welfare & Disabilites, or maybe something just for fun, I will see whats on offer when the new courses are listed at the end of January.
I beleive doing the above things will automatically help with my Agoraphobia, so recovering further goes without saying.
The Holidays Are Over
I had a great Christmas, me Chloe and Rory went to my parents house 4 1/2 hours away and spent a few days there. Both my sisters and their families came as well, so it was a great catch up time for us all. I also got a chance to catch up with a couple of friends while there which was really nice. The drive there and back was a bit of a drama as my dog and her 4 three week old pups came as well, so we had to stop halfway to let them feed, which made the trip a bit longer than usual.
My sisters and I divided all the cooking this year, as its getting to hard for mum, so I did all the meat dishes, one sister all the baking and the other sister did all the odds and ends. It made it for an interesting meal commenting on everyones cooking and a few disasters, we are swapping the cooking lists next year so we all get a turn at trying all things so the traditional Christmas meal does not go astray
I didn’t have any attacks at all, but was very tired each night with all the socialising, and I must say I was glad to get back home on Boxing Day. A friends grown son came back with us and stayed for 4 days so that was spent doing the hostess thing.
I didn’t do anything for New Years but I normally don’t so that wasn’t a problem, I was enjoying the kids stories and photos of their nights out. Then Chloe had her birthday on the 4th Jan and it was great to have her here for that. She went back home today ready to start work again tomorrow.
I started back at work last Thursday, it was nice to have a 2 day week when first getting back, had gotten used to being slack after nearly 2 weeks off, then back to it again tomorrow night.
Well its 2008 and I have plans of making a more positive year in various areas, number one is doing some social things to get to meet some people, I haven’t decided what yet, but I will have a look around in the local paper to find what is going on. I feel like I can face people now that I have at least something to talk about - work - cause I haven’t done anything else worth talking about, and I am sure they don’t want to hear about my Agoraphobia and Panic Attacks
I also want to spend some time and money in redecorating my house, I have made a small start where I have painted a feature wall
3 Responses to “The Holidays Are Over”
- Robert on January 18th, 2008 6:15 pm
Happy new year Ruby!
Ok, so I know we’re well into the new year, but it’s the 1st time I’ve posted a comment to you this year, so I think it’s deserved.
Anyhow, your description of your holiday activities painted a very enjoyable picture indeed. It’s good to see you in such a positive frame of mind. Improvements cannot fail to follow! I look forward to reading about them.
As always, Marie & I have you in our thoughts.
Best wishes.
- Free from Anxiety on December 14th, 2008 1:50 am
Excellent content here and a nice writing style too - keep up the great work!
- Ruby on February 25th, 2009 12:56 pm
Thanks
I have been without internet for a while, but I am back now
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Great post! It’s so easy to fall into allowing the expectations or parameters that other people set for us to control every thought. Like you said, even leaning against a wall could be a no-no because what people might think. If we were to let go of these expectations that aren’t even ours, we’d have a lot less anxiety.
Hi AP, Gostemayorere and Dr Jacobson
Welcome and thank you for your posts
Your perseverance and introspect is one that shows true motherly care. You have learned how to deal with situations with a positive outlook. Many are not aware that they can snap out of it or find a way to get help.